Throughout January I didn't say anything to Courtney about Dopey. We were going to Phoenix for a long weekend at the end of the month and I didn't want any arguments before our trip. I could tell a difference when I talked to her, however. She didn't seem quite as angry and she wasn't complaining as much - that is until she discovered someone had taken a large amount of her Suboxone. Since her medication was kept under lock and key by staff, that meant that someone on staff had taken her medication. All the women on staff are addicts which can be a little risky when dealing with all the medication kept. Courtney was close to being hysterical. She told me "I can't handle this!!!" I told her she would handle whatever she had to handle and let's see what is done about the theft.
The owner, Patty, made everyone on staff to take a urine test. Everyone's was negative. Patty also called Courtney's doctor and explained what happened. Thankfully the doctor wrote another prescription for her. But for now on whenever Courtney went to the pharmacy to pick up her medication someone would go with her and they would count the pills before they left to be sure there wasn't an error in counting by the pharmacist. That was a little embarasing for Courtney but she was happy enough that the situation was resolved, except she would always wonder WHO took her medication.
A couple of weeks later we took the early Saturday morning non-stop flight to Phoenix and we were able to pick up Courtney before noon. We went straight to lunch at Fridays then to our hotel, an Embassy Suites in north Phoenix. As usual Courtney was very happy to be out of the house for the weekend and able to do what she wanted and watch as much t.v. as she wanted and eat decent food. She enjoyed us too.
Since we were only there for a few days we crammed as much as possible into the time we had. The hotel was close to an outlet mall just outside Phoenix and we went there for the afternoon.
I bought Courtney some jeans and perfume at the GAP, Ron bought two shirts and a jacket. In the evening we went to a movie, Taken, which quickly became one of Courtney's all time favorite movies. We had breakfast for dinner at Cracker Barrel before returning to the hotel.
Sunday we went to the zoo where I took a ride on a camel. We tried to get Ron on one but he wouldn't do it. Courtney would try to hide behind a shrub and smoke a cigarette and each time she was caught and reprimanded. Security must have been watching her the entire time we were there. There were no security cameras in sight anywhere so they must have been psychic. She was told she would be asked to leave the zoo if she was caught again and that put her in a rather sour mood. We spent most of the time watching an adorable baby orangutan before leaving and going to P.F. Changs for lunch. Back at the hotel we relaxed and after watching the Superbowl we went to another movie, Rise of the Litchen Underworld, which was better than its title. Only thing open for a late dinner was Dennys. Ugh.
Monday we finally bought Courtney a new cell phone. To say she was excited about her new phone was an understatement. Buying the calling cards was getting to be a headache and in the end cost about the same. We also wanted to be able to reach her or leave messages when we needed to. Ron did not want a contract so he paid the full price of the phone. He just didn't want to be obligated to pay for it if Courtney had a relapse and we felt we needed to cut her off again.
Naturally we also went to Arizona Mills Mall and bought a new purse and shoes for Courtney and two more shirts for Ron. We went to the theater there for an early movie and saw Kill Shot. Dinner was at Fudruckers - Ron's favorite place to get a hamburger - not so much for me. We were all tired and ready to just relax back at the hotel for out last night in Phoenix. As I said, we crammed a lot in a few days.
FEBRUARY/MARCH Courtney was due to graduate the middle of February from the extended care program. Parents and family members can attend the graduation but Courtney preferred we did not (and so did we). All the women in extended care would attend and all the staff and everyone would say something. From what Courtney had witnessed, the graduations could get a little emotional and could last a couple of hours or more.
After leaving extended care she had the option to move to another house to live on a month to month basis until she (we) felt she was ready to leave. There was an 11 p.m. curfew and she had to look for a job and help keep the house clean. There were also aftercare meetings she could attend as well as the NA meetings there. Dinner was included in the monthly fee so at $650 a month we thought it was a bargain. Cheaper than an apartment and no utility or cable bills. The house was spacious and the bedrooms large enough for two. There was a large screen t.v. and a computer. Now all she had to do was get a job.
With the economy in Phoenix was at an all time low and jobs are hard to find. Courtney would go on job searches and job fairs to no avail. She and a friend finally settled on a job as a telemarketer which lasted two days before they walked out. They would not be paid for the two days they worked. Apparently one is hired on a trail basis for a few days and if you can't handle pressuring the elderly into paying for something they don't want then you don't get paid. I have a new found sympathy for telemarketers. There are always jobs available for this horrendous occupation, lots of stress and little pay. We had no idea how much effort she was exerting really looking for a job since she mentioned a time or two that her counselor had been a little annoyed with her inability to find a job.
My time was being consumed caring for our dog Roxie who was suffering from mast cell cancer. Late November a huge tumor had appeared on her back and began to occasionaly bleed. We had it removed and it came back a month later along with a few more. Another surgery to remove tumors had the same result and by the end of March she had over 50 tumors over her body. Roxie had just turned 13 on Feb. 18 and we had bought her when she was seven weeks old. To say we were all attached to this dog was an understatement. I had kept Courtney updated on Roxie's condition and focused on the fact that Roxie was in no pain and was almost constantly pampered. Courtney insisted that she should be allowed to come home and visit Roxie before she died. We insisted she stay and look for employment.
APRIL On April 13 Roxie died in my arms. It was a devastating thing to witness and I was exhausted anyway after not sleeping much for the previous three nights. I had been sleeping on the couch close to Roxie for the previous three nights when Roxie's condition had began to go downhill. We couldn't bear the thought of putting her to sleep. Ron decided, however, that after April 15 we would have do it and I agreed. I had just prayed she would go quietly in her sleep so we wouldn't have to. The absolute worst part was having to tell my daughters and I knew Roxie's death would have a greater impact on Courtney. I believe that Courtney missed Roxie more than me or her father and Jessica. Courtney was the first person I called to tell, I just had to get it over with. She took it as I expected - hard. I broke it to her as easy as I could by explaining that Roxie had barked for me and while I was petting her she had a little seizure and was gone. I waited until Ron came home from work to tell him the same story. It was actually a little worse than what I made it out to be but they didn't need to know that. Our entire family would be grieving this dog for a long time.
Several days later we received news that we had been praying to hear for over a year. Dopey sent Courtney a text telling her he was with someone else now and she was several months pregnant. Courtney was angry and hurt. It was bad enough that she had lost her dog and now she had lost Dopey. Obviously Roxie had been the greater loss. I encouraged her to make an appointment with her therapist since I couldn't think of much else to say. She knew how her father and I hated Dopey so it was best that I just listened and be thankful she couldn't see me smile. This was one of the best things that could have happened to her, but it would take a while for her to believe that. It seemed too good to be true and I was afraid to really believe we were finally rid of Dopey.
Less than a week later we adopted a new dog, another boxer that was around 18 months of age. He had been called Joey, which we didn't like, so we changed his name to Jasper. He was skinny and shy and not entirely housebroken. Within the first hour of coming into our home he peed, pooped and puked in three different rooms. The puking was probably the result of my husband giving Jasper our dinner from the previous night along with an assortment of treats to help make him feel at home. At least Jasper was a good topic of conversation with Courtney to help get her mind off Dopey.
Three weeks later I logged onto Facebook and noticed that Courtney's status had gone from "single" to "in a relationship." I was dumbfounded. Surely she wouldn't have started things back up with Dopey - I just couldn't imagine it. Besides, what good was Courtney to Dopey while in Arizona - he needed someone in town he could use. The other option wasn't much better - that she had met someone and had rushed into a relationship. I had to call her immediately for an explanation.
She told me "his name is Chris and I've known him several months." That meant that she had met him BEFORE Dopey dropped her. Hmmmmm . . . "He's a bmx stunt rider and he has a lot of tatoos and piercings so you and dad probably won't like him." He's not Dopey so I like him. Courtney had to explain to me just what a bmx stunt rider did and what a bmx was (it's a small bike). Apparently it's very popular in the west and there are a lot of competitions in Arizona and California. I got online and looked at some videos on Youtube of some competitions and it was impressive. All the guys looked cleancut so I thought maybe Courtney was kidding about the piercings and tatoos. (She wasn't.) Anyway, I gave her my spiel about not rushing into a relationship after a breakup and please take her time to get to know him, etc. She assured me that she had done just that. I hope so. Now if only she could get a job. . . . and please God, don't let her get pregnant.
Finally I was able to remind her that I had been correct - that there were other guys who would be interested in her and care for her. She texted me back (most of our conversations were done by texting) "I realize that now. Justice kept telling me the same thing when I went to visit him and much later when I told him about Chris he just said I told you so. But it's still hard for me to believe that someone would love me and be attracted to me. I'm just grateful he is so supportive of my recovery and doesn't judge me because of my past."
I expressed my concern that she seemed to have a need to be in a relationship for her self esteem. She texted "I don't depend on a boyfriend to give me confidence. Through all the shit I've been through I know that happiness, confidence and love for yourself can only be found within yourself. That no one can save you and that no one may but yourself. And that in the end all you have is family and they are number one and if your are lucky enough maybe you will have a true love in the end." That's exactly what I had been trying to tell her.
MAY Finding a job in Phoenix while relying on the bus system for transportation was beginning to be more of a hindrance to Courtney so we decided it was time for her to get the car back. Having her own transportation would make it much easier to get to interviews and eventually a job. We decided to fly Courtney back and I would go with her to drive her car back to Phoenix. It was time she came home for a visit and she decided she would stay for three or four days. I started making plans for her aunts, uncles, cousins and a few close friends to come over for dinner her second night home. It was hard to believe she had been gone almost eight months.
