BREAKTHROUGH

After three days of no contact Courtney walked over to our house from her apartment. It was a hot and humid afternoon and when I saw her she was drenched in sweat and looked about 15 pounds thinner. She said "why wouldn't you respond to my text messages?" I just need to get a few things and I wanted to see Roxie just one more time and say goodbye." She was sober. I had her come in and got her a glass of water and told her the text service had been terminated. She drank some water and laid down on the floor with the dog. Courtney was hungry so I popped a frozen sandwich in the microwave. After she had eaten I gave her a pack of cigarettes I had found in her room and went out to the backyard with her while she smoked.

She was so miserable I thought this might be a good time to get through to her. Had she "hit bottom?" I had no clue, but I thought she was close enough. So I told her that it was too hard on us to see her back on drugs and back with Drew and could not continue a relationship with her under those circumstances. I told her that whatever problems were causing her to turn to drugs were not going to go away without some help. Courtney looked like she would burst into tears at any moment. I explained that she needed to go someplace where she could concentrate only on herself. Then I told her about the treatment I had found in Arizona with the extended care program that would last for four months and then the halfway house program that lasted seven months. "You mean I would be gone for eleven months!!" she exclaimed "I would never see Roxie again because she will be dead by then!!" Trying to calm her down I said "maybe we could fly you home for Christmas if you decided to go." She sat there with tears streaming down her face and asked a few more questions but I knew then that she would go.

For a moment it had seemed too easy to get her to agree, but then she said "it will probably take me a month or two to get ready to go." It took some negotiating and me agreeing to take care of moving everything out of her apartment for her before we agreed on several weeks. Of course she was wanting to stall for more time to be with Drew or to maybe get a job and find a way out of it. But I knew that when it came down to it she would go.

In the weeks that followed I took her to the bank so she could close out her account and I gave them a check to cover her overdrafts and fees. I went with her to her apartment office to give her thirty day notice. I bought her cigarettes and food but I did not give her cash and we left her cell phone on. I made a couple of calls to the halfway house in Arizona and wrote up all the information for her and copied information off the internet for her. She thought the place in Arizona looked good and almost two weeks after our converstation on the back porch Courtney made the required call to the halfway house. She talked to the manager for twenty minutes and set her date of arrival for September 29 or 30. That was three very long weeks away.

Spending more time with my older daughter was one of the few things I could look forward too. Her constant good humor, faith, and quirky personality were uplifting to me. Before I left for Arizona I had to drive her to a doctor's appointment to have a lumbar steriod injection and then to see her psychiatrist for a prescription refill. (Yes, both my children need a psychiatrist and that fact has led to many nights soul searching and wondering 1) what did we do wrong, 2) what could we have done differently, and 3) is it genetic?) Regardless of the circumstance, Jessica was always a joy to be around. Between doctor appointments we did a little shopping and I was able to get my mind off of Courtney for a while.

Jessica's appointment with her psychiatrist was at 6:00 - the last appointment of the day. She was out in 15 minutes since it was only for a medication check and she came out with her doctor who came over to say hello. Jessica had been telling him about Courtney and we started discussing about sending her to the halfway house. I told him the program she was going to lasted seven months and we planned to keep her there longer. I also told him how she would be required to attend a 12 step meeting every day and she HATED the 12 steps. There was too much emphasis on God in the 12 steps and Courtney professed to be an atheist. She claimed religion was shoved down her throat all her years at private catholic schools and the 12 steps were stupid and would not help her.

"That's called Terminal Uniqueness," he said. "The first time a person goes to a meeting they will look at the people who has been going to AA (or NA) for a long time and gone through all the steps, the newcomer will think they have nothing in common with those holy rollers. Or, a person will see other newcomers who they think are in a lot worse shape than they are and think they have nothing in common with them, they are not near as bad as they are. It takes a good six months of constant attendance to really turn around their thinking to see that they do have a lot in common with everyone there. So if Courtney is going to be there for seven months, that should do it and I support your decision to send her." Three free minutes with a psychiatrist and I felt better already!

When Courtney tried to postpone her trip another month I was not surprised. The movers were due at her apartment in a couple of hours and I could tell she was not sober when she called. I humored her and told her regardless of when she went that we still had to get her furniture moved today. Then we began negotiations of what would or would not be taken. She wanted me to leave her bed and asked if we could go to a thrift shop and look for a chair. "Sure" I said, "we can do that." "George and Kathy are planning to meet me at your apartment to help load up my car with some things. They would like to see you." Her response was positive so I breathed a sigh of relief.

When the movers arrived Courtney went to the game room to hang out with Dopey. Fortunately I never had to see him; he had enough sense to hide. After she left the decision was made to leave her nothing. I would have had a very difficult time without George and Kathy. The stress I was going through made it difficult to make rapid decisions. The movers were proceeding slowly and we were in a hurry so we wound up helping them load up the truck. We wanted to get out of there before Courtney came back and we almost made it. As always Courtney's timing was impecable. She walked up as the movers were bringing down her bed. As surprised and upset as she was, I was relieved that she did not throw a fit. George was good at diffusing her anger with just his presence. He and Kathy stayed for a few minutes longer chatting with her and surprisingly Courtney seemed to be in a good mood, despite now having to live in an empty apartment.

The few days until we left were long and stressful. During that time Dopey convinced Courtney to use her bank card to withdraw some money that she did not have. Even though her account had been closed for nearly two weeks, she was able to withdraw several hundred dollars. When I got her insufficient funds notice in the mail I called her. Apparently she tried to disconnect my call but instead I could hear her and Dopey talking, even though it sounded like her phone was in her pocket. From what I could hear they were in a store looking for an engagement ring. Courtney told Dopey she like the fake diamonds just as well. I couldn't make out what Dopey said next but then I heard Courtney say "I didn't know I would have to pay for it." I was not at all surprised to hear that. The bastard had coerced Courtney to steal money for a ring and/or drugs.