CHECKING IN

I let Courtney sleep in as late as she wanted, neither of us probably slept well. Breakfast ended at 10:00 so I had to get up to bring something back for her. When she did get up, Courtney was in a good mood considering she would be checking in that afternoon. She had made a list for me of last minute items she would need so I headed out after breakfast to the closest grocery. I also wound up getting her a couple of three day bus passes since they were out of the 30 day pass, I would have to go downtown for that one.

Courtney spent her time packing, re-packing, smoking and talking on the phone with Dopey. I was dreading having to come back to the hotel room by myself. I have always found it depressing to be alone in a hotel. Maybe because the last time was when I took Courtney to Memphis for rehab. I cried all the way back to the hotel after I left her. If there had been an evening flight I would have taken it just to avoid being alone tonight. I picked up hamburgers for lunch but we really didn't have much of an appetite. We waited until the last possible moment to leave the hotel. She was out in the parking lot talking to Dopey (and smoking) while I packed up the car and drove around to pick her up. I had to wait another five minutes for her to say a tearful goodbye to him. She was so nervous I let her smoke in the car.

It was a short drive to the halfway house and the first impression was good. The buildings (or houses) and landscape were well maintained and seemed new. The interior was nice with typical southwestern decor. Courtney seemed a little relieved that it looked nicer than the rehab in Memphis. We were seated in the waiting room for only a few minutes until one of the administrators came to introduce herself and take Courtney back to her office. After ten minutes I was told to go tell Courtney goodbye and then they would help me get her things out of the car. I hate saying goodbye because I always cry. While I was hugging Courtney she said in a small voice "I don't want to be here." I told her "I would not have brought you here if I did not believe that this was the best thing for you, you know that don't you?" She nodded and I cried but she didn't. And I reminded her that Ron and I would be back to see her in a month. I hurried back to the car and started pulling luggage and grocery bags out of the car and several women appeared and started taking things to Courtney's room. I liked the fact that I could hurry and get out of there.

The rest of the afternoon was spent returning a few items that were not needed to Target and walking over to the restaurant next to the hotel to pick up a dinner to go. I really HATE eating in a restaurant by myself so I ate in my room but couldn't eat the entire meal. Part of me wanted to celebrate the fact that Courtney was finally 1,000 miles away from Dopey and living in a halway house, but all I could do was lay around and watch t.v. I would have to wait until I return to Tulsa to celebrate with Ron. My flight the next day was early afternoon so I would not have to be in a rush during the morning and I wanted time to look through the shops at the airport because shopping always makes me feel a little better.

Even after I returned home I could not relax because I knew Courtney would have a difficult time adjusting to life in a halfway house. Recalling the first letter we received when Courtney went to Memphis I knew she was not happy at all. Life in this halfway house is structured and strict. Twelve step meetings every day (90 meetings in 90 days) and getting up early in the morning - very early. Courtney was going to HATE rising at the crack of dawn every morning without the aid of her Adderal. While a senior in high school Courtney had a sleep study that showed she had a sleep disorder, hyper sonomulence which is characterized by excessive sleepiness. She was given a prescription for Adderal and we saw an immediate improvement in her grades. The first three years of college (and before she met Dopey) she maintained over a three point average. Sleep habits of young adults are abysmal anyway and I knew it would take Courtney months until she could adjust to healthy schedule of sleeping.

The first week or so, she was not going to be allowed to make any outside calls. I guessed that was to give them time to indoctrinate Courtney into living in a structured, sober environment. Cell phones were not allowed for the first three months. I did call to leave messages and to inquire how she was. After a week I learned that Courtney had found a job as a telemarketer for an air conditioning company. Courtney had to call me from her job her first day of work because they had to have a copy of her social security card and I needed to fax her a copy. She said that she had to get up at five a.m. to catch the bus by six a.m. to be at work by 7:30 a.m. I knew she had to be miserable - I sure would be - but she sounded good.

A couple of days later Courtney did not sound so good when I received the first distress call from her one evening. Apparently she had been able to slip through some of her Suboxone so she could take more than what they were giving her. Although the doctor had written the prescription for 4 or 5 a day, Courtney was only being given one pill. She was about to come unhinged. I talked to the woman who was given the task of distributing medications and she told me that her supervisor, Jenny, had told her not to give Courtney more than one pill daily. The next morning I called Jenny to find out what was going on. According to Jenny they had NEVER given anyone more than one pill a day that was in the seven month program. She could not have Courtney drowsy on Suboxone during their evening meetings because that could trigger cravings in the other women. I explained to Jenny that Courtney's doctor had prescribed this dosage for her and that was the amount she was used to taking and I was worried that Courtney may experience withdrawal without the dosage she was used to taking. We agreed that Courtney needed to make an appointment as soon as possible with an addiction specialist in Phoenix to monitor Courtney's medication. Jenny told me that for Courtney to be given that amount of Suboxone she would have to be in the four month extended care program, which was what I had preferred originally. Courtney would not be working while in the extended care program, but would be going to classes during the day and meetings in the evening. Apparently it is alright to be drowsy in the extended care program. Jenny told me she would let Courtney have more Suboxone so she would not go into withdrawal and I told her I would send more money.

I thought we had everything settled. Jenny changed her mind. Another distress call from Courtney the next evening and she is upset again because she is not getting her medication. An appointment had been made with Dr. Carlton, a prominent addictionologist in Phoenix, but Courtney just didn't know how she could make it until her appointment. After talking with her for a while she seemed better and we hung up so she could go to her evening meeting.

As I was getting ready for bed I received another distress call from Courtney. Apparently she and Jenny had a discussion about her medication. Jenny called Courtney an addict and Courtney responded by telling Jenny not to call her a "fucking addict." Jenny had told Courtney to pack her bags and leave, she had 15 minutes to get her stuff and get out. Courtney told me she would go to another halfway house but I would have to put her up in a hotel for a few nights. I told her I would not put her in a hotel and she needed to apologize to Jenny. Well, I just "did not understand how things worked there" and there was no possible way that Jenny would let her stay now. Courtney could not believe that I would not help her. I could not believe that I would not help her. I told her that I was over 1,000 miles away and what could I do? I finally convinced her to tell Jenny that she was sorry and that Jenny had been correct, she is an addict and please let her stay.

I lay awake all night wondering if Courtney was out on the streets or at the Salvation Army shelter. Would Jenny really just dump a woman out on the streets like that who had no where else to go? It was going to cost us a couple of thousand dollars more to put her in the Extended Care program and surely Jenny didn't want to lose the business. Since she was supposed to begin the Extended Care program the next morning I called to make sure she was still there - after all I was supposed to send a check overnight to her. I called Jenny early the next morning and asked her if Courtney was still in the program. Jenny said everything was just fine, they had just had a little misunderstanding. No big deal. Maybe now, I thought, I could begin to sleep. I kept my cell phone and house phone on my nightstand in case of another distress call. It was also out of habit and gave me a little security. It would be months before I could go to bed at night without both phones where I could reach them.

No word from Courtney for a few days until the next small crisis. "I can't stay awake in class" Courtney complained. "Jenny gets mad at me and says I'll trigger the other girls." "What do you mean by that?" I asked. "Me being so sleepy will trigger cravings for drugs in the other women because I look medicated when I'm about to fall asleep" she replied. "If I keep falling asleep they will KICK ME OUT!" she moaned. I could sympathize. After all Ron and I both have fallen asleep at a movie or sitting and listening to something we consider boring. Courtney and I discussed what she could do to help her stay awake during class. She was very stressed but our conversation seemed to help calm her down.

Courtney had been diagnosed with a sleep disorder in high school and the main symptom was excessive sleepiness. She had been prescribed Adderall and had seen an immediate improvement in her grades. She claimed it never made her feel high, just awake. Now it was not an option, only strong coffee and diet coke was. I asked her how she like her classes and she replied "it's the same stuff we covered in Memphis, it's boring." Fortunately for Courtney, she had learned to like coffee.

A couple of weeks passed by until Courtney's next complaint. It was discovered that one of the women had brought back new clothes from Wal Mart that she did not pay for. "Can you believe that they kicked her out and KEPT the clothes?!" she said. "They are always stressing honesty here so don't you think they should have taken the clothes back?" she asked me.

"What did they do with the clothes?"

"There is a box for donated clothing and anyone can look in it and get something they need and they put the clothes in there." "Don't you think that's dishonest?" "They are such hypocrites!!"

And so on and so on . . . .