Posts for the last couple of years have been on my other blog Daughter's DUI. But at the moment Courtney is still clean and sober and maintaining over a 3.5 gpa at Arizona State University where she is majoring in social work. If all goes as plans she will graduate next year. Thanks to student loans and government grants she is helping pay for the outlandish tuition for ASU. Just because she has lived there for a few years doesn't mean she is really a resident of Arizona who qualifies for instate tuition.
She has been living alone in our condo (purchased March 2011) for almost a year now and still sees the young man she met when she was still at WINR. Not who I would pick for her of course but a huge improvement from Dopey (who is incarcerated at the moment until 2016).
Regular visits to her doctor who specializes in addiction medicine is one very important reason she is still clean. She still has urine tests and is still taking a very low dose of Suboxone. Recently she was found to have a low thyroid which she is now taking medication for. She also sees a psychologist who she highly regards and feels good talking to. And one more doctor for her weight and nutrition guidance. It does get costly but they have helped keep her clean. And I will never forget what Courtney's insightful pediatrician had told me when she was old enough to go to an adult doctor . . . "Courtney is complicated."
In November I went to Phoenix to spend 10 days with Courtney to celebrate Thanksgiving with her. She had not been with family for the last three holidays and
I decided to change that. So it was just the two of us with an easy Thanksgiving dinner and movie later that evening. For Christmas we helped her adopt a dog - a six year old boxer named Atticus. Living alone was very lonely for Courtney who does not see her boyfriend often and having a dog has made all the difference in the world for her. She told me she no longer cares if she doesn't have anything to do and anywhere to go since she has Atticus.
Atticus had been tossed out of a car by his previous owner who for whatever reason decided to throw him away. Fortunately for us this calloused act was witnessed by a kind woman who Atticus immediately ran to. He is such a sweet dog that he would have had a home with her if he had only connected with her nine cats and didn't think of them as prey.
After Christmas we had to drive Courtney and Atticus back to Phoenix since boxers can't fly on some airlines and the one I found that would had more requirements for the kennel they would fly in and there were no direct flights to Phoenix. I could write all day about what it is like to drive over a thousand miles with a dog who hates riding in a car. Not that he was bad or restless, it was just that he could not relax and pretty much stayed plastered to Courtney all the way. Poor thing couldn't even fall asleep. He will be medicated next time and fyi - benadryl does NOT work to make a dog sleepy. At least none of mine.
As it turned out, we were also to be in Phoenix during the Fiesta Bowl and since Oklahoma State University (where Ron and I had attended) went this year (and won!) Ron bought tickets and all three of us went and had a wonderful time. I was pleasantly surprised at how much Courtney enjoyed herself at the game - even thought she was with her parents. The good time sure made it hard to leave the next day to drive back home.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Saturday, January 30, 2010
IMPROVEMENTS
Throughout January I didn't say anything to Courtney about Dopey. We were going to Phoenix for a long weekend at the end of the month and I didn't want any arguments before our trip. I could tell a difference when I talked to her, however. She didn't seem quite as angry and she wasn't complaining as much - that is until she discovered someone had taken a large amount of her Suboxone. Since her medication was kept under lock and key by staff, that meant that someone on staff had taken her medication. All the women on staff are addicts which can be a little risky when dealing with all the medication kept. Courtney was close to being hysterical. She told me "I can't handle this!!!" I told her she would handle whatever she had to handle and let's see what is done about the theft.
The owner, Patty, made everyone on staff to take a urine test. Everyone's was negative. Patty also called Courtney's doctor and explained what happened. Thankfully the doctor wrote another prescription for her. But for now on whenever Courtney went to the pharmacy to pick up her medication someone would go with her and they would count the pills before they left to be sure there wasn't an error in counting by the pharmacist. That was a little embarasing for Courtney but she was happy enough that the situation was resolved, except she would always wonder WHO took her medication.
A couple of weeks later we took the early Saturday morning non-stop flight to Phoenix and we were able to pick up Courtney before noon. We went straight to lunch at Fridays then to our hotel, an Embassy Suites in north Phoenix. As usual Courtney was very happy to be out of the house for the weekend and able to do what she wanted and watch as much t.v. as she wanted and eat decent food. She enjoyed us too.
Since we were only there for a few days we crammed as much as possible into the time we had. The hotel was close to an outlet mall just outside Phoenix and we went there for the afternoon.
I bought Courtney some jeans and perfume at the GAP, Ron bought two shirts and a jacket. In the evening we went to a movie, Taken, which quickly became one of Courtney's all time favorite movies. We had breakfast for dinner at Cracker Barrel before returning to the hotel.
Sunday we went to the zoo where I took a ride on a camel. We tried to get Ron on one but he wouldn't do it. Courtney would try to hide behind a shrub and smoke a cigarette and each time she was caught and reprimanded. Security must have been watching her the entire time we were there. There were no security cameras in sight anywhere so they must have been psychic. She was told she would be asked to leave the zoo if she was caught again and that put her in a rather sour mood. We spent most of the time watching an adorable baby orangutan before leaving and going to P.F. Changs for lunch. Back at the hotel we relaxed and after watching the Superbowl we went to another movie, Rise of the Litchen Underworld, which was better than its title. Only thing open for a late dinner was Dennys. Ugh.
Monday we finally bought Courtney a new cell phone. To say she was excited about her new phone was an understatement. Buying the calling cards was getting to be a headache and in the end cost about the same. We also wanted to be able to reach her or leave messages when we needed to. Ron did not want a contract so he paid the full price of the phone. He just didn't want to be obligated to pay for it if Courtney had a relapse and we felt we needed to cut her off again.
Naturally we also went to Arizona Mills Mall and bought a new purse and shoes for Courtney and two more shirts for Ron. We went to the theater there for an early movie and saw Kill Shot. Dinner was at Fudruckers - Ron's favorite place to get a hamburger - not so much for me. We were all tired and ready to just relax back at the hotel for out last night in Phoenix. As I said, we crammed a lot in a few days.
FEBRUARY/MARCH Courtney was due to graduate the middle of February from the extended care program. Parents and family members can attend the graduation but Courtney preferred we did not (and so did we). All the women in extended care would attend and all the staff and everyone would say something. From what Courtney had witnessed, the graduations could get a little emotional and could last a couple of hours or more.
After leaving extended care she had the option to move to another house to live on a month to month basis until she (we) felt she was ready to leave. There was an 11 p.m. curfew and she had to look for a job and help keep the house clean. There were also aftercare meetings she could attend as well as the NA meetings there. Dinner was included in the monthly fee so at $650 a month we thought it was a bargain. Cheaper than an apartment and no utility or cable bills. The house was spacious and the bedrooms large enough for two. There was a large screen t.v. and a computer. Now all she had to do was get a job.
With the economy in Phoenix was at an all time low and jobs are hard to find. Courtney would go on job searches and job fairs to no avail. She and a friend finally settled on a job as a telemarketer which lasted two days before they walked out. They would not be paid for the two days they worked. Apparently one is hired on a trail basis for a few days and if you can't handle pressuring the elderly into paying for something they don't want then you don't get paid. I have a new found sympathy for telemarketers. There are always jobs available for this horrendous occupation, lots of stress and little pay. We had no idea how much effort she was exerting really looking for a job since she mentioned a time or two that her counselor had been a little annoyed with her inability to find a job.
My time was being consumed caring for our dog Roxie who was suffering from mast cell cancer. Late November a huge tumor had appeared on her back and began to occasionaly bleed. We had it removed and it came back a month later along with a few more. Another surgery to remove tumors had the same result and by the end of March she had over 50 tumors over her body. Roxie had just turned 13 on Feb. 18 and we had bought her when she was seven weeks old. To say we were all attached to this dog was an understatement. I had kept Courtney updated on Roxie's condition and focused on the fact that Roxie was in no pain and was almost constantly pampered. Courtney insisted that she should be allowed to come home and visit Roxie before she died. We insisted she stay and look for employment.
APRIL On April 13 Roxie died in my arms. It was a devastating thing to witness and I was exhausted anyway after not sleeping much for the previous three nights. I had been sleeping on the couch close to Roxie for the previous three nights when Roxie's condition had began to go downhill. We couldn't bear the thought of putting her to sleep. Ron decided, however, that after April 15 we would have do it and I agreed. I had just prayed she would go quietly in her sleep so we wouldn't have to. The absolute worst part was having to tell my daughters and I knew Roxie's death would have a greater impact on Courtney. I believe that Courtney missed Roxie more than me or her father and Jessica. Courtney was the first person I called to tell, I just had to get it over with. She took it as I expected - hard. I broke it to her as easy as I could by explaining that Roxie had barked for me and while I was petting her she had a little seizure and was gone. I waited until Ron came home from work to tell him the same story. It was actually a little worse than what I made it out to be but they didn't need to know that. Our entire family would be grieving this dog for a long time.
Several days later we received news that we had been praying to hear for over a year. Dopey sent Courtney a text telling her he was with someone else now and she was several months pregnant. Courtney was angry and hurt. It was bad enough that she had lost her dog and now she had lost Dopey. Obviously Roxie had been the greater loss. I encouraged her to make an appointment with her therapist since I couldn't think of much else to say. She knew how her father and I hated Dopey so it was best that I just listened and be thankful she couldn't see me smile. This was one of the best things that could have happened to her, but it would take a while for her to believe that. It seemed too good to be true and I was afraid to really believe we were finally rid of Dopey.
Less than a week later we adopted a new dog, another boxer that was around 18 months of age. He had been called Joey, which we didn't like, so we changed his name to Jasper. He was skinny and shy and not entirely housebroken. Within the first hour of coming into our home he peed, pooped and puked in three different rooms. The puking was probably the result of my husband giving Jasper our dinner from the previous night along with an assortment of treats to help make him feel at home. At least Jasper was a good topic of conversation with Courtney to help get her mind off Dopey.
Three weeks later I logged onto Facebook and noticed that Courtney's status had gone from "single" to "in a relationship." I was dumbfounded. Surely she wouldn't have started things back up with Dopey - I just couldn't imagine it. Besides, what good was Courtney to Dopey while in Arizona - he needed someone in town he could use. The other option wasn't much better - that she had met someone and had rushed into a relationship. I had to call her immediately for an explanation.
She told me "his name is Chris and I've known him several months." That meant that she had met him BEFORE Dopey dropped her. Hmmmmm . . . "He's a bmx stunt rider and he has a lot of tatoos and piercings so you and dad probably won't like him." He's not Dopey so I like him. Courtney had to explain to me just what a bmx stunt rider did and what a bmx was (it's a small bike). Apparently it's very popular in the west and there are a lot of competitions in Arizona and California. I got online and looked at some videos on Youtube of some competitions and it was impressive. All the guys looked cleancut so I thought maybe Courtney was kidding about the piercings and tatoos. (She wasn't.) Anyway, I gave her my spiel about not rushing into a relationship after a breakup and please take her time to get to know him, etc. She assured me that she had done just that. I hope so. Now if only she could get a job. . . . and please God, don't let her get pregnant.
Finally I was able to remind her that I had been correct - that there were other guys who would be interested in her and care for her. She texted me back (most of our conversations were done by texting) "I realize that now. Justice kept telling me the same thing when I went to visit him and much later when I told him about Chris he just said I told you so. But it's still hard for me to believe that someone would love me and be attracted to me. I'm just grateful he is so supportive of my recovery and doesn't judge me because of my past."
I expressed my concern that she seemed to have a need to be in a relationship for her self esteem. She texted "I don't depend on a boyfriend to give me confidence. Through all the shit I've been through I know that happiness, confidence and love for yourself can only be found within yourself. That no one can save you and that no one may but yourself. And that in the end all you have is family and they are number one and if your are lucky enough maybe you will have a true love in the end." That's exactly what I had been trying to tell her.
MAY Finding a job in Phoenix while relying on the bus system for transportation was beginning to be more of a hindrance to Courtney so we decided it was time for her to get the car back. Having her own transportation would make it much easier to get to interviews and eventually a job. We decided to fly Courtney back and I would go with her to drive her car back to Phoenix. It was time she came home for a visit and she decided she would stay for three or four days. I started making plans for her aunts, uncles, cousins and a few close friends to come over for dinner her second night home. It was hard to believe she had been gone almost eight months.
The owner, Patty, made everyone on staff to take a urine test. Everyone's was negative. Patty also called Courtney's doctor and explained what happened. Thankfully the doctor wrote another prescription for her. But for now on whenever Courtney went to the pharmacy to pick up her medication someone would go with her and they would count the pills before they left to be sure there wasn't an error in counting by the pharmacist. That was a little embarasing for Courtney but she was happy enough that the situation was resolved, except she would always wonder WHO took her medication.
A couple of weeks later we took the early Saturday morning non-stop flight to Phoenix and we were able to pick up Courtney before noon. We went straight to lunch at Fridays then to our hotel, an Embassy Suites in north Phoenix. As usual Courtney was very happy to be out of the house for the weekend and able to do what she wanted and watch as much t.v. as she wanted and eat decent food. She enjoyed us too.
Since we were only there for a few days we crammed as much as possible into the time we had. The hotel was close to an outlet mall just outside Phoenix and we went there for the afternoon.
I bought Courtney some jeans and perfume at the GAP, Ron bought two shirts and a jacket. In the evening we went to a movie, Taken, which quickly became one of Courtney's all time favorite movies. We had breakfast for dinner at Cracker Barrel before returning to the hotel.
Sunday we went to the zoo where I took a ride on a camel. We tried to get Ron on one but he wouldn't do it. Courtney would try to hide behind a shrub and smoke a cigarette and each time she was caught and reprimanded. Security must have been watching her the entire time we were there. There were no security cameras in sight anywhere so they must have been psychic. She was told she would be asked to leave the zoo if she was caught again and that put her in a rather sour mood. We spent most of the time watching an adorable baby orangutan before leaving and going to P.F. Changs for lunch. Back at the hotel we relaxed and after watching the Superbowl we went to another movie, Rise of the Litchen Underworld, which was better than its title. Only thing open for a late dinner was Dennys. Ugh.
Monday we finally bought Courtney a new cell phone. To say she was excited about her new phone was an understatement. Buying the calling cards was getting to be a headache and in the end cost about the same. We also wanted to be able to reach her or leave messages when we needed to. Ron did not want a contract so he paid the full price of the phone. He just didn't want to be obligated to pay for it if Courtney had a relapse and we felt we needed to cut her off again.
Naturally we also went to Arizona Mills Mall and bought a new purse and shoes for Courtney and two more shirts for Ron. We went to the theater there for an early movie and saw Kill Shot. Dinner was at Fudruckers - Ron's favorite place to get a hamburger - not so much for me. We were all tired and ready to just relax back at the hotel for out last night in Phoenix. As I said, we crammed a lot in a few days.
FEBRUARY/MARCH Courtney was due to graduate the middle of February from the extended care program. Parents and family members can attend the graduation but Courtney preferred we did not (and so did we). All the women in extended care would attend and all the staff and everyone would say something. From what Courtney had witnessed, the graduations could get a little emotional and could last a couple of hours or more.
After leaving extended care she had the option to move to another house to live on a month to month basis until she (we) felt she was ready to leave. There was an 11 p.m. curfew and she had to look for a job and help keep the house clean. There were also aftercare meetings she could attend as well as the NA meetings there. Dinner was included in the monthly fee so at $650 a month we thought it was a bargain. Cheaper than an apartment and no utility or cable bills. The house was spacious and the bedrooms large enough for two. There was a large screen t.v. and a computer. Now all she had to do was get a job.
With the economy in Phoenix was at an all time low and jobs are hard to find. Courtney would go on job searches and job fairs to no avail. She and a friend finally settled on a job as a telemarketer which lasted two days before they walked out. They would not be paid for the two days they worked. Apparently one is hired on a trail basis for a few days and if you can't handle pressuring the elderly into paying for something they don't want then you don't get paid. I have a new found sympathy for telemarketers. There are always jobs available for this horrendous occupation, lots of stress and little pay. We had no idea how much effort she was exerting really looking for a job since she mentioned a time or two that her counselor had been a little annoyed with her inability to find a job.
My time was being consumed caring for our dog Roxie who was suffering from mast cell cancer. Late November a huge tumor had appeared on her back and began to occasionaly bleed. We had it removed and it came back a month later along with a few more. Another surgery to remove tumors had the same result and by the end of March she had over 50 tumors over her body. Roxie had just turned 13 on Feb. 18 and we had bought her when she was seven weeks old. To say we were all attached to this dog was an understatement. I had kept Courtney updated on Roxie's condition and focused on the fact that Roxie was in no pain and was almost constantly pampered. Courtney insisted that she should be allowed to come home and visit Roxie before she died. We insisted she stay and look for employment.
APRIL On April 13 Roxie died in my arms. It was a devastating thing to witness and I was exhausted anyway after not sleeping much for the previous three nights. I had been sleeping on the couch close to Roxie for the previous three nights when Roxie's condition had began to go downhill. We couldn't bear the thought of putting her to sleep. Ron decided, however, that after April 15 we would have do it and I agreed. I had just prayed she would go quietly in her sleep so we wouldn't have to. The absolute worst part was having to tell my daughters and I knew Roxie's death would have a greater impact on Courtney. I believe that Courtney missed Roxie more than me or her father and Jessica. Courtney was the first person I called to tell, I just had to get it over with. She took it as I expected - hard. I broke it to her as easy as I could by explaining that Roxie had barked for me and while I was petting her she had a little seizure and was gone. I waited until Ron came home from work to tell him the same story. It was actually a little worse than what I made it out to be but they didn't need to know that. Our entire family would be grieving this dog for a long time.
Several days later we received news that we had been praying to hear for over a year. Dopey sent Courtney a text telling her he was with someone else now and she was several months pregnant. Courtney was angry and hurt. It was bad enough that she had lost her dog and now she had lost Dopey. Obviously Roxie had been the greater loss. I encouraged her to make an appointment with her therapist since I couldn't think of much else to say. She knew how her father and I hated Dopey so it was best that I just listened and be thankful she couldn't see me smile. This was one of the best things that could have happened to her, but it would take a while for her to believe that. It seemed too good to be true and I was afraid to really believe we were finally rid of Dopey.
Less than a week later we adopted a new dog, another boxer that was around 18 months of age. He had been called Joey, which we didn't like, so we changed his name to Jasper. He was skinny and shy and not entirely housebroken. Within the first hour of coming into our home he peed, pooped and puked in three different rooms. The puking was probably the result of my husband giving Jasper our dinner from the previous night along with an assortment of treats to help make him feel at home. At least Jasper was a good topic of conversation with Courtney to help get her mind off Dopey.
Three weeks later I logged onto Facebook and noticed that Courtney's status had gone from "single" to "in a relationship." I was dumbfounded. Surely she wouldn't have started things back up with Dopey - I just couldn't imagine it. Besides, what good was Courtney to Dopey while in Arizona - he needed someone in town he could use. The other option wasn't much better - that she had met someone and had rushed into a relationship. I had to call her immediately for an explanation.
She told me "his name is Chris and I've known him several months." That meant that she had met him BEFORE Dopey dropped her. Hmmmmm . . . "He's a bmx stunt rider and he has a lot of tatoos and piercings so you and dad probably won't like him." He's not Dopey so I like him. Courtney had to explain to me just what a bmx stunt rider did and what a bmx was (it's a small bike). Apparently it's very popular in the west and there are a lot of competitions in Arizona and California. I got online and looked at some videos on Youtube of some competitions and it was impressive. All the guys looked cleancut so I thought maybe Courtney was kidding about the piercings and tatoos. (She wasn't.) Anyway, I gave her my spiel about not rushing into a relationship after a breakup and please take her time to get to know him, etc. She assured me that she had done just that. I hope so. Now if only she could get a job. . . . and please God, don't let her get pregnant.
Finally I was able to remind her that I had been correct - that there were other guys who would be interested in her and care for her. She texted me back (most of our conversations were done by texting) "I realize that now. Justice kept telling me the same thing when I went to visit him and much later when I told him about Chris he just said I told you so. But it's still hard for me to believe that someone would love me and be attracted to me. I'm just grateful he is so supportive of my recovery and doesn't judge me because of my past."
I expressed my concern that she seemed to have a need to be in a relationship for her self esteem. She texted "I don't depend on a boyfriend to give me confidence. Through all the shit I've been through I know that happiness, confidence and love for yourself can only be found within yourself. That no one can save you and that no one may but yourself. And that in the end all you have is family and they are number one and if your are lucky enough maybe you will have a true love in the end." That's exactly what I had been trying to tell her.
MAY Finding a job in Phoenix while relying on the bus system for transportation was beginning to be more of a hindrance to Courtney so we decided it was time for her to get the car back. Having her own transportation would make it much easier to get to interviews and eventually a job. We decided to fly Courtney back and I would go with her to drive her car back to Phoenix. It was time she came home for a visit and she decided she would stay for three or four days. I started making plans for her aunts, uncles, cousins and a few close friends to come over for dinner her second night home. It was hard to believe she had been gone almost eight months.
Friday, September 4, 2009
THE HOLIDAYS
Thanksgiving is always spent at my sister-in-law's home. We arrive in early afternoon, watch football, visit with each other and eat. It's all very casual and relaxing. After so many years of the same routine I didn't think Courtney would really feel like she missed that much - except for the food. She could not get good, homemade Lebanese food in Phoenix and I knew she had to be craving it by now. I was feeling a little anxious, however, about what her day would be like. The thought of her eating a bowl of cereal or going to McDonalds was depressing. We were relieved to hear that she was going to spend Thanksgiving with the family of another woman in treatment. She later told me it was a very enjoyable evening and the food was good. Now with Thanksgiving out of the way I had an entire month to worry about Christmas.
Christmas eve at our house is a major event for us. We start celebrating in the afternoon and just about everyone we know is invited to stop by. With Ron's family and close friends we can have anywhere from 20 to 30 for dinner. People don't leave until around midnight and most years it has been later. I start freezing food a couple of weeks in advance and no matter how hard I try, the day before Christmas Eve has me running all day long and most of the night until at least 2 a.m. In years past Courtney was very helpful with the cleaning and baking so I would miss her help again this year.
Memories of last year's Christmas Eve are mostly of wondering where Courtney was and when or if she was coming home. She had spent the night somewhere and I had talked to her several times that day and each time she promised she would be home shortly. I think the only thing that brought her home was that I had agreed to pay for a manicure. When she finally showed up it with glassy eyes, dirty hair, and an attitude so I was glad to have Jessica take her to the salon and drop her off. Naively I thought maybe she would sober up before that evening and wash her hair. Denial really helps me cope sometimes.
Thinking that Courtney was not going to like being in Arizona for Chrismas - no matter what I sent her - just added another level of stress to the holidays. But I would balance that with the fact that I did not have to worry about where or how she was this year. I was not prepared, however, for just how miserable she was or how miserable she could still make me.
A good friend of ours lives in Phoenix and a couple of weeks before Christmas he told Ron he wanted Courtney to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day with him and his family. We were very grateful to Bill for including her in his holiday activities. He was also going to take her to a party and a play if she wanted to come. Courtney was very excited when I told her about Bill's invitation and was eagerly looking forward to spending the holiday with him. Since she had not graduated from the four month program yet she had to get permission, which we thought at the time would be easy.
As it turned out, Courtney was not allowed to go out both days so she choose Christmas day. She was told that it would not be fair to the other girls for her to be allowed to be out both days. Bill planned on picking her up early on Christmas day and Courtney was more than happy to wake up by seven so Bill could pick her up by eight. It sounded like Courtney was going to have a nice Christmas after all.
Christmas Eve I started the day looking forward to everyone coming over, then Courtney called. She told me she was not going to be able to go over to Bill's because she was being forced to support one of the newer girls to her home for Christmas day. Courtney was absolutely devestated, not to mention furious. Apparently she had not turned in her request to go out early enough. I had to call Bill to let him know that she would not be able to come over. At least tonight they would be cooking a nice meal at the halfway house - I thought.
Later in the evening Courtney called and talked with her sister and father before I got on the phone with her. Two minutes into our conversation her mood began to sour. Dinner didn't happen for her because someone forgot to thaw out the roast they were planning on cooking so staff decided they would order pizza for everyone instead. Only problem was that there was no place open that delivered pizza. Courtney ate a bowl of cereal. It had to make things worse for her to know that everyone was here having a great time and she seemed determined to make me miserable too.
Out of the blue she began talking about when she finishes the program at the halfway house and comes home. "I know you just want me to stay out here" she said, "but I am coming home in a few months and Dopey and I are going to be together. He has been sober for several months now and we are going to get a house. He is the love of my life and you can't keep us apart." She was successful at making me miserable. "How do you really know he has been sober?" I asked. "I know you hate him" she replied, "but I AM coming home and we WILL be together!" My hope had been that with the influence of her new friends and counselors Courtney would begin to understand that she would never be happy or stay sober with Dopey and he would never change. It was devasting to hear that she was still in love with him and actually believed their relationship could work. She seemed to have a fantasy that they would both stay sober and live happily ever after and he would never abuse her again. I had to end the conversation and get a glass of wine and hoped I wouldn't start crying in front of everyone.
I waited for several days before I told Ron what Courtney had said since I didn't want to ruin Christmas for him. Christmas day I had gotten over the shock of Courtney's comments and was able to relax and enjoy the day. Jessica had spent the night and that morning commented "it's so weird to open gifts without Courtney here." Jessica handed me a large present from Ron and she was eager for me to open it. My momentary excitement faded when I opened my gift and discovered Ron had given me a Wii. If I had made a list of things I wanted for Christmas a Wii would not have been on it. Ron and Jessica were so excited about my gift that I would not be able to take it back (like I did my birthday present). Later John and his brother came over to connect it to the T.V. and to teach us how to use it. We spend the rest of the afternoon and evening playing with the damn thing and drinking wassil. I bowled and raced a cow. At least it got my mind off of Courtney and Dopey.
Courtney called Christmas night and she seemed to be in a lot better mood. She had enjoyed the day with her friend's family and had a very nice dinner. The girl's parents had even bought her a small gift, a box of chocolates. Courtney thanked us for the gifts we sent. We had bought her an Ipod and a clock radio with speakers for her Ipod and some nice jewelry and clothes. It was a relief to know she had a nice Christmas away from us, since we had a nice Christmas away from her.
But it was sobering to think the reality was that we could not bring her home to live again. Even after she finally understands and accepts that Dopey is really not the love of her life I don't see it being in her best interest to live here. There will come a time when she will hate him, but it just won't come soon enough for us.
Christmas eve at our house is a major event for us. We start celebrating in the afternoon and just about everyone we know is invited to stop by. With Ron's family and close friends we can have anywhere from 20 to 30 for dinner. People don't leave until around midnight and most years it has been later. I start freezing food a couple of weeks in advance and no matter how hard I try, the day before Christmas Eve has me running all day long and most of the night until at least 2 a.m. In years past Courtney was very helpful with the cleaning and baking so I would miss her help again this year.
Memories of last year's Christmas Eve are mostly of wondering where Courtney was and when or if she was coming home. She had spent the night somewhere and I had talked to her several times that day and each time she promised she would be home shortly. I think the only thing that brought her home was that I had agreed to pay for a manicure. When she finally showed up it with glassy eyes, dirty hair, and an attitude so I was glad to have Jessica take her to the salon and drop her off. Naively I thought maybe she would sober up before that evening and wash her hair. Denial really helps me cope sometimes.
Thinking that Courtney was not going to like being in Arizona for Chrismas - no matter what I sent her - just added another level of stress to the holidays. But I would balance that with the fact that I did not have to worry about where or how she was this year. I was not prepared, however, for just how miserable she was or how miserable she could still make me.
A good friend of ours lives in Phoenix and a couple of weeks before Christmas he told Ron he wanted Courtney to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day with him and his family. We were very grateful to Bill for including her in his holiday activities. He was also going to take her to a party and a play if she wanted to come. Courtney was very excited when I told her about Bill's invitation and was eagerly looking forward to spending the holiday with him. Since she had not graduated from the four month program yet she had to get permission, which we thought at the time would be easy.
As it turned out, Courtney was not allowed to go out both days so she choose Christmas day. She was told that it would not be fair to the other girls for her to be allowed to be out both days. Bill planned on picking her up early on Christmas day and Courtney was more than happy to wake up by seven so Bill could pick her up by eight. It sounded like Courtney was going to have a nice Christmas after all.
Christmas Eve I started the day looking forward to everyone coming over, then Courtney called. She told me she was not going to be able to go over to Bill's because she was being forced to support one of the newer girls to her home for Christmas day. Courtney was absolutely devestated, not to mention furious. Apparently she had not turned in her request to go out early enough. I had to call Bill to let him know that she would not be able to come over. At least tonight they would be cooking a nice meal at the halfway house - I thought.
Later in the evening Courtney called and talked with her sister and father before I got on the phone with her. Two minutes into our conversation her mood began to sour. Dinner didn't happen for her because someone forgot to thaw out the roast they were planning on cooking so staff decided they would order pizza for everyone instead. Only problem was that there was no place open that delivered pizza. Courtney ate a bowl of cereal. It had to make things worse for her to know that everyone was here having a great time and she seemed determined to make me miserable too.
Out of the blue she began talking about when she finishes the program at the halfway house and comes home. "I know you just want me to stay out here" she said, "but I am coming home in a few months and Dopey and I are going to be together. He has been sober for several months now and we are going to get a house. He is the love of my life and you can't keep us apart." She was successful at making me miserable. "How do you really know he has been sober?" I asked. "I know you hate him" she replied, "but I AM coming home and we WILL be together!" My hope had been that with the influence of her new friends and counselors Courtney would begin to understand that she would never be happy or stay sober with Dopey and he would never change. It was devasting to hear that she was still in love with him and actually believed their relationship could work. She seemed to have a fantasy that they would both stay sober and live happily ever after and he would never abuse her again. I had to end the conversation and get a glass of wine and hoped I wouldn't start crying in front of everyone.
I waited for several days before I told Ron what Courtney had said since I didn't want to ruin Christmas for him. Christmas day I had gotten over the shock of Courtney's comments and was able to relax and enjoy the day. Jessica had spent the night and that morning commented "it's so weird to open gifts without Courtney here." Jessica handed me a large present from Ron and she was eager for me to open it. My momentary excitement faded when I opened my gift and discovered Ron had given me a Wii. If I had made a list of things I wanted for Christmas a Wii would not have been on it. Ron and Jessica were so excited about my gift that I would not be able to take it back (like I did my birthday present). Later John and his brother came over to connect it to the T.V. and to teach us how to use it. We spend the rest of the afternoon and evening playing with the damn thing and drinking wassil. I bowled and raced a cow. At least it got my mind off of Courtney and Dopey.
Courtney called Christmas night and she seemed to be in a lot better mood. She had enjoyed the day with her friend's family and had a very nice dinner. The girl's parents had even bought her a small gift, a box of chocolates. Courtney thanked us for the gifts we sent. We had bought her an Ipod and a clock radio with speakers for her Ipod and some nice jewelry and clothes. It was a relief to know she had a nice Christmas away from us, since we had a nice Christmas away from her.
But it was sobering to think the reality was that we could not bring her home to live again. Even after she finally understands and accepts that Dopey is really not the love of her life I don't see it being in her best interest to live here. There will come a time when she will hate him, but it just won't come soon enough for us.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
BACK TO PHOENIX
The next few weeks went by without any major complaints from Courtney and at the first of November Ron and I flew back to Arizona for a week. We left on the earliest flight and arrived in Phoenix at 8:30 a.m. and were greeted with beautiful weather. In less than an hour we were able to check into the Hampton in Tempe and pick up Courtney in Mesa for breakfast. When we first saw her I immediately noticed the difference in her. She was smiling and relaxed, which helped us relax. We took her to Mimi's Cafe for breakfast before going shopping. The conversation was pleasant and Courtney explained the classes and meetings she was attending at extended care. I gave her an update on our dog and reassured her that Roxie was doing well and was happy. Out of the blue she told us she wanted a bicycle. Most of the other girls there had a bike and Courtney had borrowed the "house" bike and decided she liked it. Of course we were happy to oblige since we were always encouraging exercise.
We started our shopping spree at Arizona Mills where we bought her two pairs of shoes and some jewelry. Wal Mart was next on our list where we purchased a bike for Courtney. Luckily, we had rented a SUV which the bike fit in nicely. Football games were starting so we headed back to the hotel to watch one and relax until we went to a late lunch-early dinner at Fudruckers since Courtney had to return by 5:30. She was so happy to be out she really enjoyed just hanging out with her parents in a hotel room. After dropping her off we went to a liquor store and then to the hotel, we fixed ourselves a drink, turned on the t.v. and totally relaxed for the rest of the evening.
Sunday morning we picked Courtney up by 9 a.m. and went straight to Arizona Mills mall. We had breakfast in the food court and went to an early movie "Bodies of Lies." Went to Charleston's for a late lunch and to Wal-Mart for more shopping for things Courtney remembered she needed. On the way to the hotel we stopped at a convenience/liquor store across from the hotel and bought cigars for Ron and flavored cigarettes for Courtney. They wanted to enjoy the cool weather and sit outside and smoke and relax before getting Courtney back by five that afternoon for a meeting. Conversation was still relaxed and pleasant. The only time Courtney became tense was when we were trying to understand where the gps was telling us to go. Ron's driving sometimes got on her nerves. But for the most part we all just enjoyed being together.
We would not be able to see Courtney until next Saturday so we left Monday morning for Flagstaff for four nights. We had a large suite at the Embassy Suites and were looking forward to the free drinks at happy hour each evening. Both of us felt like we could really relax. We found a wonderful restaurant for lunch, the Beaver Street Brewery & Cafe. The ham and artichoke sandwich was the best sandwich I can EVER remember eating. Ron was impressed with his chicken salad and beer. We didn't do much the rest of the day, just walked around Old Town Flagstaff and did a little shopping. I bought a new purse and Ron bought a bottle of wine from a wine shop. (There are no wine shops in Tulsa.) Decided on an inexpensive dinner at Granny's Closet after happy hour. Wasn't near as good as the Beaver Street Cafe, but we needed to watch our spending once in a while.
Tuesday we drove to Williams to catch a train to the Grand Canyon. I had been under the impression that we would have beautiful scenery along the way and at one point have a nice view of the canyon. I was so wrong. Boring, boring, boring. But at least there was a little entertainment along the way (the train was robbed) and there was food. Following the recommendation of one of the outlaws, we ate at the El Tovar, a historic hotel at the Canyon and it was outstanding. The weather was a lot colder and windy. We took a lot of photos of the canyon and went in every gift shop on the south rim. Couldn't get back to Flagstaff fast enough.
Unfortunately the recommendation we were given for dinner that evening was very disappointing. Josephine's came highly recommended and Ron couldn't wait to get there. We both had the cheapest thing on the menu, lamb meatloaf for $19.95 and it was not that good. Our only consolation was that we had a few drinks (free) before we went to dinner.
Wednesday we left by 9:30 a.m. for the thirty minute drive to Sedona. I had been looking forward to showing Ron Sedona. There is something very peaceful about Sedona for me. I don't know if it's the vortexs or red rocks but I love going there. Maybe I associate it with a new beginning for Courtney, sober and safe. Shopping usually helps me get my mind off of anything I might be obsessing about at the moment and the unique shops in Sedona were especially helpful.
Didn't buy that much, just a couple of tee shirts and a black Indian hand made pot. We ate lunch where we could sit outside and enjoy a panaramic view of the rocks.
Later in the evening, after happy hour, we went to the Lowell Observatory and looked through the giant telescope that was used to discover Pluto. We saw a galaxy far, far away. We loved it.
Next we went to Cracker Barrel for a rather bland dinner which was actually better than the $20 lamb meatloaf. And there was PEACH COBBLER!!! I love peach cobbler very much.
Thursday morning we went back to Sedona and hiked in the Boyanton Canyon, had lunch at the Open Range Grille & Bar (yum) they shopped some more. For our last evening in Flagstaff we ate dinner at Denny's (uck).
Friday we drove back to Phoenix via a different route. We went thru Sedona and stopped in Jerome for lunch. A small town on a hill, Jerome has the typical main street lined with shops, none of which really interested me that much. Upon the recommendation of a woman at a shop in Sedona, we ate lunch at the Haunted Hamburger. While this restaurant was renovated by the current owners there were some incidents that were deemed paranormal, hence the name. Apparently a ghost liked to hide the workmen's tools. (I think the workmen hid their tools so they would not have to work!) Anyway, the place was packed even though the hamburgers were average.
As we were relaxing over lunch I received a call from Courtney. She had a small sore on her forehead when we had seen her last weekend but it had turned into an abcess and was considerably larger. She had to go to a minor emergency center and needed me to call and give them our credit card number. Another woman who was a nurse (thank God) went with her for support and sat with her while the doctor lanced the abcess so it could drain. Having an abcess lanced is VERY painful but Courtney held up well. I wasn't particularly worried but the staff at the half way house certainly were. I received a call from Jenny who told me that Courtney would have to be quaranteened because of the possiblity her infection was MRSA or anything else contagious. Well, that worked out just fine because we had a suite at the Hampton Inn and we were more than happy to have her stay with us and I knew she would be elated at staying in a hotel for a couple of nights.
It took us about an hour and a half to get to Mesa and pick up Courtney. She had a large band aid on her forehead and had a headache. Went to the pharmacy to pick up her antibiotics, a drive thru to get her lunch, then checked into the hotel. We had plans that evening to go to dinner with Bill, an old friend of ours and his girlfriend. Courtney did not feel like going out to dinner and laying in bed watching t.v. was much more appealing to her. Ron and I had a drink (or two?) with Bill when he came over and we were to meet up with his girlfriend Marilyn at dinner. Bill took us to J. Alexander, an upscale restaurant with delicious food and wine. Added to that being with a fun couple like Bill and Marilyn made the evening one of the best we had had in a long time. Ron was very, very relaxed. Fortunately Bill was driving.
Saturday we slept in and waited until the last possible moment to get the free breakfast the hotel offered. We started off the day at Arizona Mills where we saw a movie and went to the pet store to look at the boxer puppy again. For a late lunch/early dinner we went to Mill Street to look for a restaurant. Since this was close to the Arizona State University campus there would be plenty of places to eat and we wound up at Uno's and ate pizza. After lunch we toured the unique shops along Mill Street and at a bookstore Courtney bought two books on recovery. We were impressed that she was actually reading entire books, in fact she seemed to crave anything she could find on recovery. I couldn't remember the last time she read a book. You could probably count on one hand the number of novels she had ever read.
On Sunday afternoon we spent two hours in the minor emergency clinic while Courtney had her abcess rechecked and get lab results so she could get a note from the doctor to prove she did not have MRSA and could be allowed to return to the halfway house. There was enough time left for us to go back to Mill Street and eat at P.F. Changs before taking Courtney back. I hate taking her back because I always cry. She doesn't. Nothing left for us to do except go back to the hotel until our flight left the next day.
We started our shopping spree at Arizona Mills where we bought her two pairs of shoes and some jewelry. Wal Mart was next on our list where we purchased a bike for Courtney. Luckily, we had rented a SUV which the bike fit in nicely. Football games were starting so we headed back to the hotel to watch one and relax until we went to a late lunch-early dinner at Fudruckers since Courtney had to return by 5:30. She was so happy to be out she really enjoyed just hanging out with her parents in a hotel room. After dropping her off we went to a liquor store and then to the hotel, we fixed ourselves a drink, turned on the t.v. and totally relaxed for the rest of the evening.
Sunday morning we picked Courtney up by 9 a.m. and went straight to Arizona Mills mall. We had breakfast in the food court and went to an early movie "Bodies of Lies." Went to Charleston's for a late lunch and to Wal-Mart for more shopping for things Courtney remembered she needed. On the way to the hotel we stopped at a convenience/liquor store across from the hotel and bought cigars for Ron and flavored cigarettes for Courtney. They wanted to enjoy the cool weather and sit outside and smoke and relax before getting Courtney back by five that afternoon for a meeting. Conversation was still relaxed and pleasant. The only time Courtney became tense was when we were trying to understand where the gps was telling us to go. Ron's driving sometimes got on her nerves. But for the most part we all just enjoyed being together.
We would not be able to see Courtney until next Saturday so we left Monday morning for Flagstaff for four nights. We had a large suite at the Embassy Suites and were looking forward to the free drinks at happy hour each evening. Both of us felt like we could really relax. We found a wonderful restaurant for lunch, the Beaver Street Brewery & Cafe. The ham and artichoke sandwich was the best sandwich I can EVER remember eating. Ron was impressed with his chicken salad and beer. We didn't do much the rest of the day, just walked around Old Town Flagstaff and did a little shopping. I bought a new purse and Ron bought a bottle of wine from a wine shop. (There are no wine shops in Tulsa.) Decided on an inexpensive dinner at Granny's Closet after happy hour. Wasn't near as good as the Beaver Street Cafe, but we needed to watch our spending once in a while.
Tuesday we drove to Williams to catch a train to the Grand Canyon. I had been under the impression that we would have beautiful scenery along the way and at one point have a nice view of the canyon. I was so wrong. Boring, boring, boring. But at least there was a little entertainment along the way (the train was robbed) and there was food. Following the recommendation of one of the outlaws, we ate at the El Tovar, a historic hotel at the Canyon and it was outstanding. The weather was a lot colder and windy. We took a lot of photos of the canyon and went in every gift shop on the south rim. Couldn't get back to Flagstaff fast enough.
Unfortunately the recommendation we were given for dinner that evening was very disappointing. Josephine's came highly recommended and Ron couldn't wait to get there. We both had the cheapest thing on the menu, lamb meatloaf for $19.95 and it was not that good. Our only consolation was that we had a few drinks (free) before we went to dinner.
Wednesday we left by 9:30 a.m. for the thirty minute drive to Sedona. I had been looking forward to showing Ron Sedona. There is something very peaceful about Sedona for me. I don't know if it's the vortexs or red rocks but I love going there. Maybe I associate it with a new beginning for Courtney, sober and safe. Shopping usually helps me get my mind off of anything I might be obsessing about at the moment and the unique shops in Sedona were especially helpful.
Didn't buy that much, just a couple of tee shirts and a black Indian hand made pot. We ate lunch where we could sit outside and enjoy a panaramic view of the rocks.
Later in the evening, after happy hour, we went to the Lowell Observatory and looked through the giant telescope that was used to discover Pluto. We saw a galaxy far, far away. We loved it.
Next we went to Cracker Barrel for a rather bland dinner which was actually better than the $20 lamb meatloaf. And there was PEACH COBBLER!!! I love peach cobbler very much.
Thursday morning we went back to Sedona and hiked in the Boyanton Canyon, had lunch at the Open Range Grille & Bar (yum) they shopped some more. For our last evening in Flagstaff we ate dinner at Denny's (uck).
Friday we drove back to Phoenix via a different route. We went thru Sedona and stopped in Jerome for lunch. A small town on a hill, Jerome has the typical main street lined with shops, none of which really interested me that much. Upon the recommendation of a woman at a shop in Sedona, we ate lunch at the Haunted Hamburger. While this restaurant was renovated by the current owners there were some incidents that were deemed paranormal, hence the name. Apparently a ghost liked to hide the workmen's tools. (I think the workmen hid their tools so they would not have to work!) Anyway, the place was packed even though the hamburgers were average.
As we were relaxing over lunch I received a call from Courtney. She had a small sore on her forehead when we had seen her last weekend but it had turned into an abcess and was considerably larger. She had to go to a minor emergency center and needed me to call and give them our credit card number. Another woman who was a nurse (thank God) went with her for support and sat with her while the doctor lanced the abcess so it could drain. Having an abcess lanced is VERY painful but Courtney held up well. I wasn't particularly worried but the staff at the half way house certainly were. I received a call from Jenny who told me that Courtney would have to be quaranteened because of the possiblity her infection was MRSA or anything else contagious. Well, that worked out just fine because we had a suite at the Hampton Inn and we were more than happy to have her stay with us and I knew she would be elated at staying in a hotel for a couple of nights.
It took us about an hour and a half to get to Mesa and pick up Courtney. She had a large band aid on her forehead and had a headache. Went to the pharmacy to pick up her antibiotics, a drive thru to get her lunch, then checked into the hotel. We had plans that evening to go to dinner with Bill, an old friend of ours and his girlfriend. Courtney did not feel like going out to dinner and laying in bed watching t.v. was much more appealing to her. Ron and I had a drink (or two?) with Bill when he came over and we were to meet up with his girlfriend Marilyn at dinner. Bill took us to J. Alexander, an upscale restaurant with delicious food and wine. Added to that being with a fun couple like Bill and Marilyn made the evening one of the best we had had in a long time. Ron was very, very relaxed. Fortunately Bill was driving.
Saturday we slept in and waited until the last possible moment to get the free breakfast the hotel offered. We started off the day at Arizona Mills where we saw a movie and went to the pet store to look at the boxer puppy again. For a late lunch/early dinner we went to Mill Street to look for a restaurant. Since this was close to the Arizona State University campus there would be plenty of places to eat and we wound up at Uno's and ate pizza. After lunch we toured the unique shops along Mill Street and at a bookstore Courtney bought two books on recovery. We were impressed that she was actually reading entire books, in fact she seemed to crave anything she could find on recovery. I couldn't remember the last time she read a book. You could probably count on one hand the number of novels she had ever read.
On Sunday afternoon we spent two hours in the minor emergency clinic while Courtney had her abcess rechecked and get lab results so she could get a note from the doctor to prove she did not have MRSA and could be allowed to return to the halfway house. There was enough time left for us to go back to Mill Street and eat at P.F. Changs before taking Courtney back. I hate taking her back because I always cry. She doesn't. Nothing left for us to do except go back to the hotel until our flight left the next day.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
CHECKING IN
I let Courtney sleep in as late as she wanted, neither of us probably slept well. Breakfast ended at 10:00 so I had to get up to bring something back for her. When she did get up, Courtney was in a good mood considering she would be checking in that afternoon. She had made a list for me of last minute items she would need so I headed out after breakfast to the closest grocery. I also wound up getting her a couple of three day bus passes since they were out of the 30 day pass, I would have to go downtown for that one.
Courtney spent her time packing, re-packing, smoking and talking on the phone with Dopey. I was dreading having to come back to the hotel room by myself. I have always found it depressing to be alone in a hotel. Maybe because the last time was when I took Courtney to Memphis for rehab. I cried all the way back to the hotel after I left her. If there had been an evening flight I would have taken it just to avoid being alone tonight. I picked up hamburgers for lunch but we really didn't have much of an appetite. We waited until the last possible moment to leave the hotel. She was out in the parking lot talking to Dopey (and smoking) while I packed up the car and drove around to pick her up. I had to wait another five minutes for her to say a tearful goodbye to him. She was so nervous I let her smoke in the car.
It was a short drive to the halfway house and the first impression was good. The buildings (or houses) and landscape were well maintained and seemed new. The interior was nice with typical southwestern decor. Courtney seemed a little relieved that it looked nicer than the rehab in Memphis. We were seated in the waiting room for only a few minutes until one of the administrators came to introduce herself and take Courtney back to her office. After ten minutes I was told to go tell Courtney goodbye and then they would help me get her things out of the car. I hate saying goodbye because I always cry. While I was hugging Courtney she said in a small voice "I don't want to be here." I told her "I would not have brought you here if I did not believe that this was the best thing for you, you know that don't you?" She nodded and I cried but she didn't. And I reminded her that Ron and I would be back to see her in a month. I hurried back to the car and started pulling luggage and grocery bags out of the car and several women appeared and started taking things to Courtney's room. I liked the fact that I could hurry and get out of there.
The rest of the afternoon was spent returning a few items that were not needed to Target and walking over to the restaurant next to the hotel to pick up a dinner to go. I really HATE eating in a restaurant by myself so I ate in my room but couldn't eat the entire meal. Part of me wanted to celebrate the fact that Courtney was finally 1,000 miles away from Dopey and living in a halway house, but all I could do was lay around and watch t.v. I would have to wait until I return to Tulsa to celebrate with Ron. My flight the next day was early afternoon so I would not have to be in a rush during the morning and I wanted time to look through the shops at the airport because shopping always makes me feel a little better.
Even after I returned home I could not relax because I knew Courtney would have a difficult time adjusting to life in a halfway house. Recalling the first letter we received when Courtney went to Memphis I knew she was not happy at all. Life in this halfway house is structured and strict. Twelve step meetings every day (90 meetings in 90 days) and getting up early in the morning - very early. Courtney was going to HATE rising at the crack of dawn every morning without the aid of her Adderal. While a senior in high school Courtney had a sleep study that showed she had a sleep disorder, hyper sonomulence which is characterized by excessive sleepiness. She was given a prescription for Adderal and we saw an immediate improvement in her grades. The first three years of college (and before she met Dopey) she maintained over a three point average. Sleep habits of young adults are abysmal anyway and I knew it would take Courtney months until she could adjust to healthy schedule of sleeping.
The first week or so, she was not going to be allowed to make any outside calls. I guessed that was to give them time to indoctrinate Courtney into living in a structured, sober environment. Cell phones were not allowed for the first three months. I did call to leave messages and to inquire how she was. After a week I learned that Courtney had found a job as a telemarketer for an air conditioning company. Courtney had to call me from her job her first day of work because they had to have a copy of her social security card and I needed to fax her a copy. She said that she had to get up at five a.m. to catch the bus by six a.m. to be at work by 7:30 a.m. I knew she had to be miserable - I sure would be - but she sounded good.
A couple of days later Courtney did not sound so good when I received the first distress call from her one evening. Apparently she had been able to slip through some of her Suboxone so she could take more than what they were giving her. Although the doctor had written the prescription for 4 or 5 a day, Courtney was only being given one pill. She was about to come unhinged. I talked to the woman who was given the task of distributing medications and she told me that her supervisor, Jenny, had told her not to give Courtney more than one pill daily. The next morning I called Jenny to find out what was going on. According to Jenny they had NEVER given anyone more than one pill a day that was in the seven month program. She could not have Courtney drowsy on Suboxone during their evening meetings because that could trigger cravings in the other women. I explained to Jenny that Courtney's doctor had prescribed this dosage for her and that was the amount she was used to taking and I was worried that Courtney may experience withdrawal without the dosage she was used to taking. We agreed that Courtney needed to make an appointment as soon as possible with an addiction specialist in Phoenix to monitor Courtney's medication. Jenny told me that for Courtney to be given that amount of Suboxone she would have to be in the four month extended care program, which was what I had preferred originally. Courtney would not be working while in the extended care program, but would be going to classes during the day and meetings in the evening. Apparently it is alright to be drowsy in the extended care program. Jenny told me she would let Courtney have more Suboxone so she would not go into withdrawal and I told her I would send more money.
I thought we had everything settled. Jenny changed her mind. Another distress call from Courtney the next evening and she is upset again because she is not getting her medication. An appointment had been made with Dr. Carlton, a prominent addictionologist in Phoenix, but Courtney just didn't know how she could make it until her appointment. After talking with her for a while she seemed better and we hung up so she could go to her evening meeting.
As I was getting ready for bed I received another distress call from Courtney. Apparently she and Jenny had a discussion about her medication. Jenny called Courtney an addict and Courtney responded by telling Jenny not to call her a "fucking addict." Jenny had told Courtney to pack her bags and leave, she had 15 minutes to get her stuff and get out. Courtney told me she would go to another halfway house but I would have to put her up in a hotel for a few nights. I told her I would not put her in a hotel and she needed to apologize to Jenny. Well, I just "did not understand how things worked there" and there was no possible way that Jenny would let her stay now. Courtney could not believe that I would not help her. I could not believe that I would not help her. I told her that I was over 1,000 miles away and what could I do? I finally convinced her to tell Jenny that she was sorry and that Jenny had been correct, she is an addict and please let her stay.
I lay awake all night wondering if Courtney was out on the streets or at the Salvation Army shelter. Would Jenny really just dump a woman out on the streets like that who had no where else to go? It was going to cost us a couple of thousand dollars more to put her in the Extended Care program and surely Jenny didn't want to lose the business. Since she was supposed to begin the Extended Care program the next morning I called to make sure she was still there - after all I was supposed to send a check overnight to her. I called Jenny early the next morning and asked her if Courtney was still in the program. Jenny said everything was just fine, they had just had a little misunderstanding. No big deal. Maybe now, I thought, I could begin to sleep. I kept my cell phone and house phone on my nightstand in case of another distress call. It was also out of habit and gave me a little security. It would be months before I could go to bed at night without both phones where I could reach them.
No word from Courtney for a few days until the next small crisis. "I can't stay awake in class" Courtney complained. "Jenny gets mad at me and says I'll trigger the other girls." "What do you mean by that?" I asked. "Me being so sleepy will trigger cravings for drugs in the other women because I look medicated when I'm about to fall asleep" she replied. "If I keep falling asleep they will KICK ME OUT!" she moaned. I could sympathize. After all Ron and I both have fallen asleep at a movie or sitting and listening to something we consider boring. Courtney and I discussed what she could do to help her stay awake during class. She was very stressed but our conversation seemed to help calm her down.
Courtney had been diagnosed with a sleep disorder in high school and the main symptom was excessive sleepiness. She had been prescribed Adderall and had seen an immediate improvement in her grades. She claimed it never made her feel high, just awake. Now it was not an option, only strong coffee and diet coke was. I asked her how she like her classes and she replied "it's the same stuff we covered in Memphis, it's boring." Fortunately for Courtney, she had learned to like coffee.
A couple of weeks passed by until Courtney's next complaint. It was discovered that one of the women had brought back new clothes from Wal Mart that she did not pay for. "Can you believe that they kicked her out and KEPT the clothes?!" she said. "They are always stressing honesty here so don't you think they should have taken the clothes back?" she asked me.
"What did they do with the clothes?"
"There is a box for donated clothing and anyone can look in it and get something they need and they put the clothes in there." "Don't you think that's dishonest?" "They are such hypocrites!!"
And so on and so on . . . .
Courtney spent her time packing, re-packing, smoking and talking on the phone with Dopey. I was dreading having to come back to the hotel room by myself. I have always found it depressing to be alone in a hotel. Maybe because the last time was when I took Courtney to Memphis for rehab. I cried all the way back to the hotel after I left her. If there had been an evening flight I would have taken it just to avoid being alone tonight. I picked up hamburgers for lunch but we really didn't have much of an appetite. We waited until the last possible moment to leave the hotel. She was out in the parking lot talking to Dopey (and smoking) while I packed up the car and drove around to pick her up. I had to wait another five minutes for her to say a tearful goodbye to him. She was so nervous I let her smoke in the car.
It was a short drive to the halfway house and the first impression was good. The buildings (or houses) and landscape were well maintained and seemed new. The interior was nice with typical southwestern decor. Courtney seemed a little relieved that it looked nicer than the rehab in Memphis. We were seated in the waiting room for only a few minutes until one of the administrators came to introduce herself and take Courtney back to her office. After ten minutes I was told to go tell Courtney goodbye and then they would help me get her things out of the car. I hate saying goodbye because I always cry. While I was hugging Courtney she said in a small voice "I don't want to be here." I told her "I would not have brought you here if I did not believe that this was the best thing for you, you know that don't you?" She nodded and I cried but she didn't. And I reminded her that Ron and I would be back to see her in a month. I hurried back to the car and started pulling luggage and grocery bags out of the car and several women appeared and started taking things to Courtney's room. I liked the fact that I could hurry and get out of there.
The rest of the afternoon was spent returning a few items that were not needed to Target and walking over to the restaurant next to the hotel to pick up a dinner to go. I really HATE eating in a restaurant by myself so I ate in my room but couldn't eat the entire meal. Part of me wanted to celebrate the fact that Courtney was finally 1,000 miles away from Dopey and living in a halway house, but all I could do was lay around and watch t.v. I would have to wait until I return to Tulsa to celebrate with Ron. My flight the next day was early afternoon so I would not have to be in a rush during the morning and I wanted time to look through the shops at the airport because shopping always makes me feel a little better.
Even after I returned home I could not relax because I knew Courtney would have a difficult time adjusting to life in a halfway house. Recalling the first letter we received when Courtney went to Memphis I knew she was not happy at all. Life in this halfway house is structured and strict. Twelve step meetings every day (90 meetings in 90 days) and getting up early in the morning - very early. Courtney was going to HATE rising at the crack of dawn every morning without the aid of her Adderal. While a senior in high school Courtney had a sleep study that showed she had a sleep disorder, hyper sonomulence which is characterized by excessive sleepiness. She was given a prescription for Adderal and we saw an immediate improvement in her grades. The first three years of college (and before she met Dopey) she maintained over a three point average. Sleep habits of young adults are abysmal anyway and I knew it would take Courtney months until she could adjust to healthy schedule of sleeping.
The first week or so, she was not going to be allowed to make any outside calls. I guessed that was to give them time to indoctrinate Courtney into living in a structured, sober environment. Cell phones were not allowed for the first three months. I did call to leave messages and to inquire how she was. After a week I learned that Courtney had found a job as a telemarketer for an air conditioning company. Courtney had to call me from her job her first day of work because they had to have a copy of her social security card and I needed to fax her a copy. She said that she had to get up at five a.m. to catch the bus by six a.m. to be at work by 7:30 a.m. I knew she had to be miserable - I sure would be - but she sounded good.
A couple of days later Courtney did not sound so good when I received the first distress call from her one evening. Apparently she had been able to slip through some of her Suboxone so she could take more than what they were giving her. Although the doctor had written the prescription for 4 or 5 a day, Courtney was only being given one pill. She was about to come unhinged. I talked to the woman who was given the task of distributing medications and she told me that her supervisor, Jenny, had told her not to give Courtney more than one pill daily. The next morning I called Jenny to find out what was going on. According to Jenny they had NEVER given anyone more than one pill a day that was in the seven month program. She could not have Courtney drowsy on Suboxone during their evening meetings because that could trigger cravings in the other women. I explained to Jenny that Courtney's doctor had prescribed this dosage for her and that was the amount she was used to taking and I was worried that Courtney may experience withdrawal without the dosage she was used to taking. We agreed that Courtney needed to make an appointment as soon as possible with an addiction specialist in Phoenix to monitor Courtney's medication. Jenny told me that for Courtney to be given that amount of Suboxone she would have to be in the four month extended care program, which was what I had preferred originally. Courtney would not be working while in the extended care program, but would be going to classes during the day and meetings in the evening. Apparently it is alright to be drowsy in the extended care program. Jenny told me she would let Courtney have more Suboxone so she would not go into withdrawal and I told her I would send more money.
I thought we had everything settled. Jenny changed her mind. Another distress call from Courtney the next evening and she is upset again because she is not getting her medication. An appointment had been made with Dr. Carlton, a prominent addictionologist in Phoenix, but Courtney just didn't know how she could make it until her appointment. After talking with her for a while she seemed better and we hung up so she could go to her evening meeting.
As I was getting ready for bed I received another distress call from Courtney. Apparently she and Jenny had a discussion about her medication. Jenny called Courtney an addict and Courtney responded by telling Jenny not to call her a "fucking addict." Jenny had told Courtney to pack her bags and leave, she had 15 minutes to get her stuff and get out. Courtney told me she would go to another halfway house but I would have to put her up in a hotel for a few nights. I told her I would not put her in a hotel and she needed to apologize to Jenny. Well, I just "did not understand how things worked there" and there was no possible way that Jenny would let her stay now. Courtney could not believe that I would not help her. I could not believe that I would not help her. I told her that I was over 1,000 miles away and what could I do? I finally convinced her to tell Jenny that she was sorry and that Jenny had been correct, she is an addict and please let her stay.
I lay awake all night wondering if Courtney was out on the streets or at the Salvation Army shelter. Would Jenny really just dump a woman out on the streets like that who had no where else to go? It was going to cost us a couple of thousand dollars more to put her in the Extended Care program and surely Jenny didn't want to lose the business. Since she was supposed to begin the Extended Care program the next morning I called to make sure she was still there - after all I was supposed to send a check overnight to her. I called Jenny early the next morning and asked her if Courtney was still in the program. Jenny said everything was just fine, they had just had a little misunderstanding. No big deal. Maybe now, I thought, I could begin to sleep. I kept my cell phone and house phone on my nightstand in case of another distress call. It was also out of habit and gave me a little security. It would be months before I could go to bed at night without both phones where I could reach them.
No word from Courtney for a few days until the next small crisis. "I can't stay awake in class" Courtney complained. "Jenny gets mad at me and says I'll trigger the other girls." "What do you mean by that?" I asked. "Me being so sleepy will trigger cravings for drugs in the other women because I look medicated when I'm about to fall asleep" she replied. "If I keep falling asleep they will KICK ME OUT!" she moaned. I could sympathize. After all Ron and I both have fallen asleep at a movie or sitting and listening to something we consider boring. Courtney and I discussed what she could do to help her stay awake during class. She was very stressed but our conversation seemed to help calm her down.
Courtney had been diagnosed with a sleep disorder in high school and the main symptom was excessive sleepiness. She had been prescribed Adderall and had seen an immediate improvement in her grades. She claimed it never made her feel high, just awake. Now it was not an option, only strong coffee and diet coke was. I asked her how she like her classes and she replied "it's the same stuff we covered in Memphis, it's boring." Fortunately for Courtney, she had learned to like coffee.
A couple of weeks passed by until Courtney's next complaint. It was discovered that one of the women had brought back new clothes from Wal Mart that she did not pay for. "Can you believe that they kicked her out and KEPT the clothes?!" she said. "They are always stressing honesty here so don't you think they should have taken the clothes back?" she asked me.
"What did they do with the clothes?"
"There is a box for donated clothing and anyone can look in it and get something they need and they put the clothes in there." "Don't you think that's dishonest?" "They are such hypocrites!!"
And so on and so on . . . .
Saturday, February 28, 2009
ARIZONA
The night before we left for Arizona I barely slept. Ron had spent the earlier part of the evening imagining different scenarios of Courtney changing her mind and refusing to go. What would I do, he asked, if once in the airport Courtney refused to get on the plane. I assured him that if we got Courtney to the airport she would board the plane. Then he would ask - for about 15 times - what would we do if she refuses to go when we pick her up in the morning. I tried to assure him by telling him she had been busy packing and we had discussions on what she should take. What if Dopey convinced her not to go, he asked over and over and over.
Our plane did not leave until 11:55 a.m. and Ron would take us to the airport before work. It had been decided that we would pick up Courtney at 7:30 so we could go out to breakfast and then pick up her medication at the pharmacy and have time for Courtney to say good-bye to Roxie. When we arrived at Courtney's apartment she was up and ready to go. Ron rapidly took her luggage down the three flights of stairs to the car and I helped with the smaller bags. She seemed more sober than not; I figured she was probably up all night. I thought she might have something stashed for her anxiety, but I never said a thing. We went directly to McDonalds for breakfast. Ron and Courtney thought the food was sooo good and I thought I might throw up. Ron finally seemed to be relaxing a little more. When Courtney went out to smoke while we finished our coffee he commented that he thought she might really go now.
After breakfast we went home so Courtney could see Roxie one last time. A 12 year old dog with heart problems might not be here when she came home but we tried to stay upbeat. I assured her that Roxie was doing well and reminded her that no one had expected her to be alive past the age of three. Roxie was doing quite well for a dog her age - no problems with hearing or eyesight and she still liked to play tug-of-war. Her main problem at this point was her arthritis which caused her to limp and have a difficult time getting up after a nap. Courtney was concerned that Roxie would not get enough attention and again I assured her that we all would give Roxie all the attention any dog could want.
We arrived at the pharmacy shortly after it opened and retrieved Courtney's medications. George and Jessica were there and came out to the car to say good-bye to Courtney and give her a hug. I was a little surprised to hear Courtney tell Jessica that she loved her. Ron was very anxious to get Courtney back in the car so he could start driving. The ride to the airport was only 20 minutes since the traffic was light after rush hour (and Ron was speeding) and Courtney seemed to be in a good mood. At the airport Ron said his goodbyes quickly, giving us a hug and telling Courtney that he loved her and would be up to see her in about a month. I think he really believed that she might jump back in the car and refuse to get out. But she wanted to smoke, so after Ron pulled away we pulled our luggage closer to the entrance then she lit up her first cigarette. Since we were early enough she immediately had a second cigarette. For a Friday morning there were not that many people at the airport so I was not concerned about it taking a long to get our baggage checked or going through security.
By the time we arrived at our gate we had over 30 minutes to wait to board our plane. Courtney looked like she might fall asleep at any minute and I had to get some coffee. Fortunately our flight was direct so we would be in Phoenix in a couple of hours and we could both take a nap. Courtney loves flying so she stayed awake for the first half hour and enjoyed the ride. I was so relieved to finally be on the plane and in the air and I knew Ron's blood pressure must be down by now. We had been the first to board and on Southwest you select your seat when you board so Courtney took a seat in the first row by the window. I really couldn't sleep so I read.
A few minutes before we landed I woke Courtney up. She seemed groggy but I thought once we were off the plane she would perk up. I was wrong. It was almost like being with a drunk. The first thing she wanted to do was go to the ladies room, of course, then stop and get a bottle of water, then go in a few shops along the way, then finally go to find our luggage. The Phoenix airport has people who stand by all the luggage carasels to help anyone who needs it and since our luggage was no where to be found, we needed help. We were directed to the Southwest office and spent 20 minutes in line to report our missing luggage. As it turns out, they had pulled the luggage off that had not been immediately picked up and we found our bags among a few others a short distance from the carosels.
Out the exit to go to the shuttles to rental cars we were hit with heat over 100 degrees. Not being used to that kind of heat made it a little stiffling at first. Courtney cussed. As soon as we arrived at the rental car center she sat outside and smoked two cigarettes and cussed. Then we went in to get our rental car and Courtney just had to sit down again and she cussed some more. I left here there and went to the Enterprise counter to complete paperwork and hand them my credit card. I went back to Courtney and coaxed her up and she started walking very, very, very slowly (again cussing). Then she would want to sit down again, but there was no where for her to sit so she cussed. It was like being with a drunk. We had to go down an elevator to the garage where she fortunately found somewhere to sit and we were both given a bottle of water while I picked out the van I would be driving for a few days. I just wanted to hurry and get her in the van before she passed out.
Once we were given some directions to the main highway and I had my GPS set, we were off to Flagstaff for three nights. The scenery between Phoenix and Flagstaff was incredible, going from dessert to a much higher elevation gave us a changing landscape to look at. Courtney had quickly fallen back asleep after we were out of the downtown area. I would try a couple of times to wake her up to make her look out the window, but as it turns out she never remembered it. About midway I found a shopping center that had a Chili's Restaurant where we stopped for lunch. Courtney seemed to sober up at the prospect of food. I had a chicken salad and Courtney had a chicken sandwich. She smoked outside while waiting for our order then after we ate she smoked two more cigarettes before we resumed our drive. Courtney immediately fell back asleep so I just enjoyed the drive by myself. I was starting to relax . . . a little.
Flagstaff is a small enough town that it is easy to find one's way around. Having a GPS makes it even easier and I quickly found the Hampton Inn where I had reserved a two room suite. With two 28 inch flat screen televisions and a full kitchenette, Courtney could have as much privacy as she needed. The bedroom had two queen sized beds and a sofa bed in the living room. Carol, an old friend of ours, was arriving tomorrow to spend a night or two and there was plenty of room for the three of us. She had moved to Arizona a few years ago had not seen Carol since and we were really looking forward her visit. Additionally, with Carol's personality she could diffuse any tension that might arise between Courtney and me. As far as I was concerned she could not arrive soon enough.
Any concerns I had about Courtney's mood swings were gradually fading. The first thing she really wanted to do was to take a nap, then we would go over to Kohl's for some last minute shopping, then dinner. She was looking forward to shopping and I knew that would always keep her in a good mood. When worse comes to worse I can always entice Courtney with shopping. Cooler weather in Flagstaff was a welcomed relief after the blast of heat we were hit with in Phoenix. As the sun set it was quickly becoming cooler and I was going to need a light jacket or long sleeved shirt so I was going to have to shop for myself also. As stressed as I was while packing it's no wonder I didn't forget more.
After checking my email and calling Ron to let him know we were at the hotel, I realized how tired I was and decided to take a nap too. I watched t.v. and dozed a little for a couple of hours before waking Courtney. I got directions for the half mile drive to Kohl's while Courtney smoked a couple of cigarettes. Our shopping trip was successful - after an hour of looking through racks and trying things on, Courtney found several shirts and bought more socks and I found a jacket. We left a few minutes before they closed the store and drove to Denny's for dinner. Courtney had been craving blue berry pancakes and I was happy to indulge her - anything to keep her in a good mood. She actually seemed sober tonight. I had pancakes also since I just couldn't handle any thing else on the menu - it all seemed so greasy. What is it about stress that makes me crave carbs? After dinner we drove to the gas station next to the restaurant so Courtney could buy more cigarettes and look at souvenier key chains. I bought her two packs of Camels and a keychain for her and one for Jessica and two bottles of water. We both just wanted to get back to our room and go to bed and watch t.v. and Courtney asked to use my phone to call a "couple of friends before I go to bed." I was sure one friend was Dopey.
Saturday morning we slept in. Carol called and she was due to arrive about 1:30 so we would have a late lunch. I had been vaguely aware during the night that Courtney had gotten up and gone outside to smoke so I let her sleep in as long as she wanted. I wanted her rested and sober before I left her at the halfway house. Courtney was looking forward to seeing Carol so it wasn't hard for her to get out of bed at a reasonable hour. I had gone to the free breakfast and brought back muffins and coffee so Courtney could eat in the room.
After a few wrong turns trying to find our hotel, Carol finally arrived. She looked EXACTLY like she did the last time we saw her. Courtney was very happy to see Carol and that kept her in a good mood. After putting Carol's luggage (which was a pillow case) in our room we first tried to get in to Olive Garden for lunch, but were put off by a 30 minute wait. Next to the Olive Garden was a Red Lobster so we walked over there and were immediately seated. After ordering, Courtney went outside to smoke a couple of cigarettes, which gave Carol and me an opportunity to talk and I filled her in on more details of what had transpired the last few weeks.
We decided it was early enough that after lunch we would drive down to Sedona for the afternoon. Carol knew the scenic route which was about 25 miles on a two lane, winding road and it was beautiful. Outside of Flagstaff we drove by a wooded campground that Carol had stayed at before. Another few miles and the beautiful red rock began to appear. We had never seen anything like this when we had traveled in Colorado and Courtney was impressed. I handed her my camera and she started taking pictures. We entered Sedona and were immediately in the tourist shopping district. I quickly found a parking place and we were ready to shop - after Courtney smoked again, of course.
I immediately decided I loved Sedona. We seemed to be surrounded in the distance by red rock mountains. I was taking a picture or two every ten minutes. Carol said the sunsets were stunning but since it was cloudy today we might not see a typical sunset. Just our luck. We took our time going through the shops. Most of them were expensive but there were a number of shops with surprisingly reasonable prices. I bought necklaces for Courtney and Jessica and a pair of earrings and sunglasses for me. The temperature in Sedona was perfect which made walking to the shops enjoyable. We settled on Mexican food for dinner and walked over to the Oaxaco restaurant. We ordered Margaritas and I don't remember what we ate for dinner.
Sunday morning Carol had to return home to take care of her dog and cat. I really hated to see her go because it seemed that Courtney was sober the entire time we were with Carol. That afternoon Courtney and I took off for a mall because Courtney was obsessed with getting another piercing in her ear. She had wanted a barbell in her ear but fortunately the only place where she could get a piercing did not do barbells. So she settled on getting a regular third hole. There was a Ruby Tuesdays at the mall so we stopped there for lunch where we had our favorite spinich dip and salad bar.
After leaving the mall we headed for old downtown and walked around going into several stores. At a hiking shop she found some very comfortable sandles and a purse she could wear across her shoulder - she had wanted one for when she rode the bus. We went back to hang out at the hotel for a while before heading to Target where I spent over $300 for odds and ends Courtney would need at the halfway house. We wound up at IHOP for dinner and Courtney finally got her blueberry pancakes. All in all we had a good day, although in the evening when she went out to smoke she would borrow my phone and call Dopey.
Monday morning we checked out by 11 a.m., gassed up the van and started back to Mesa. This time Courtney was awake to enjoy the scenery; she was mezmerized by the cactus. I shouldn't have been surprised since it was the first time she had ever seen one. We stopped only once at a McDonalds so I could get coffee and a yogurt parfait and Courtney got fries and diet coke. The traffic was light so we made good time getting to the hotel. After checking in at the Hampton Inn I immediately started doing laundry and we hung out at the hotel watching t.v. for the afternoon.
For dinner I took Courtney to her favorite restaurant Charleston's. The hotel had given us a coupon for a free appetizer so we choose the spinach artichoke dip. My entire family is in love with spinach dip. Courtney seemed more sober than not and during the evening we had a more in dept discussion as to why she needed to come to Arizona for so long. While discussing her last day at work with her father, I was astounded to learn that she did not remember trying to drive to the courthouse. She claimed she did not remember and was surprised to hear that she never made it to the courthouse, but made a tour of northeast Tulsa. I think she was really taken aback at some of the things I told her that she did. I believe that she was beginning to understand the severity of her problems however much she wanted to deny them.
When we were finished with dinner we headed over to Old Navy which was in the same shopping center and I bought Courtney a pair of jeans, pajama pants and several shirts. We were tired and just wanted to go back to the hotel after stopping for cigarettes. Courtney wanted to take a shower and watch t.v. and I had more laundry to do. I could see that she was getting nervous about checking in the halfway house tomorrow and I was getting nervous too.
Our plane did not leave until 11:55 a.m. and Ron would take us to the airport before work. It had been decided that we would pick up Courtney at 7:30 so we could go out to breakfast and then pick up her medication at the pharmacy and have time for Courtney to say good-bye to Roxie. When we arrived at Courtney's apartment she was up and ready to go. Ron rapidly took her luggage down the three flights of stairs to the car and I helped with the smaller bags. She seemed more sober than not; I figured she was probably up all night. I thought she might have something stashed for her anxiety, but I never said a thing. We went directly to McDonalds for breakfast. Ron and Courtney thought the food was sooo good and I thought I might throw up. Ron finally seemed to be relaxing a little more. When Courtney went out to smoke while we finished our coffee he commented that he thought she might really go now.
After breakfast we went home so Courtney could see Roxie one last time. A 12 year old dog with heart problems might not be here when she came home but we tried to stay upbeat. I assured her that Roxie was doing well and reminded her that no one had expected her to be alive past the age of three. Roxie was doing quite well for a dog her age - no problems with hearing or eyesight and she still liked to play tug-of-war. Her main problem at this point was her arthritis which caused her to limp and have a difficult time getting up after a nap. Courtney was concerned that Roxie would not get enough attention and again I assured her that we all would give Roxie all the attention any dog could want.
We arrived at the pharmacy shortly after it opened and retrieved Courtney's medications. George and Jessica were there and came out to the car to say good-bye to Courtney and give her a hug. I was a little surprised to hear Courtney tell Jessica that she loved her. Ron was very anxious to get Courtney back in the car so he could start driving. The ride to the airport was only 20 minutes since the traffic was light after rush hour (and Ron was speeding) and Courtney seemed to be in a good mood. At the airport Ron said his goodbyes quickly, giving us a hug and telling Courtney that he loved her and would be up to see her in about a month. I think he really believed that she might jump back in the car and refuse to get out. But she wanted to smoke, so after Ron pulled away we pulled our luggage closer to the entrance then she lit up her first cigarette. Since we were early enough she immediately had a second cigarette. For a Friday morning there were not that many people at the airport so I was not concerned about it taking a long to get our baggage checked or going through security.
By the time we arrived at our gate we had over 30 minutes to wait to board our plane. Courtney looked like she might fall asleep at any minute and I had to get some coffee. Fortunately our flight was direct so we would be in Phoenix in a couple of hours and we could both take a nap. Courtney loves flying so she stayed awake for the first half hour and enjoyed the ride. I was so relieved to finally be on the plane and in the air and I knew Ron's blood pressure must be down by now. We had been the first to board and on Southwest you select your seat when you board so Courtney took a seat in the first row by the window. I really couldn't sleep so I read.
A few minutes before we landed I woke Courtney up. She seemed groggy but I thought once we were off the plane she would perk up. I was wrong. It was almost like being with a drunk. The first thing she wanted to do was go to the ladies room, of course, then stop and get a bottle of water, then go in a few shops along the way, then finally go to find our luggage. The Phoenix airport has people who stand by all the luggage carasels to help anyone who needs it and since our luggage was no where to be found, we needed help. We were directed to the Southwest office and spent 20 minutes in line to report our missing luggage. As it turns out, they had pulled the luggage off that had not been immediately picked up and we found our bags among a few others a short distance from the carosels.
Out the exit to go to the shuttles to rental cars we were hit with heat over 100 degrees. Not being used to that kind of heat made it a little stiffling at first. Courtney cussed. As soon as we arrived at the rental car center she sat outside and smoked two cigarettes and cussed. Then we went in to get our rental car and Courtney just had to sit down again and she cussed some more. I left here there and went to the Enterprise counter to complete paperwork and hand them my credit card. I went back to Courtney and coaxed her up and she started walking very, very, very slowly (again cussing). Then she would want to sit down again, but there was no where for her to sit so she cussed. It was like being with a drunk. We had to go down an elevator to the garage where she fortunately found somewhere to sit and we were both given a bottle of water while I picked out the van I would be driving for a few days. I just wanted to hurry and get her in the van before she passed out.
Once we were given some directions to the main highway and I had my GPS set, we were off to Flagstaff for three nights. The scenery between Phoenix and Flagstaff was incredible, going from dessert to a much higher elevation gave us a changing landscape to look at. Courtney had quickly fallen back asleep after we were out of the downtown area. I would try a couple of times to wake her up to make her look out the window, but as it turns out she never remembered it. About midway I found a shopping center that had a Chili's Restaurant where we stopped for lunch. Courtney seemed to sober up at the prospect of food. I had a chicken salad and Courtney had a chicken sandwich. She smoked outside while waiting for our order then after we ate she smoked two more cigarettes before we resumed our drive. Courtney immediately fell back asleep so I just enjoyed the drive by myself. I was starting to relax . . . a little.
Flagstaff is a small enough town that it is easy to find one's way around. Having a GPS makes it even easier and I quickly found the Hampton Inn where I had reserved a two room suite. With two 28 inch flat screen televisions and a full kitchenette, Courtney could have as much privacy as she needed. The bedroom had two queen sized beds and a sofa bed in the living room. Carol, an old friend of ours, was arriving tomorrow to spend a night or two and there was plenty of room for the three of us. She had moved to Arizona a few years ago had not seen Carol since and we were really looking forward her visit. Additionally, with Carol's personality she could diffuse any tension that might arise between Courtney and me. As far as I was concerned she could not arrive soon enough.
Any concerns I had about Courtney's mood swings were gradually fading. The first thing she really wanted to do was to take a nap, then we would go over to Kohl's for some last minute shopping, then dinner. She was looking forward to shopping and I knew that would always keep her in a good mood. When worse comes to worse I can always entice Courtney with shopping. Cooler weather in Flagstaff was a welcomed relief after the blast of heat we were hit with in Phoenix. As the sun set it was quickly becoming cooler and I was going to need a light jacket or long sleeved shirt so I was going to have to shop for myself also. As stressed as I was while packing it's no wonder I didn't forget more.
After checking my email and calling Ron to let him know we were at the hotel, I realized how tired I was and decided to take a nap too. I watched t.v. and dozed a little for a couple of hours before waking Courtney. I got directions for the half mile drive to Kohl's while Courtney smoked a couple of cigarettes. Our shopping trip was successful - after an hour of looking through racks and trying things on, Courtney found several shirts and bought more socks and I found a jacket. We left a few minutes before they closed the store and drove to Denny's for dinner. Courtney had been craving blue berry pancakes and I was happy to indulge her - anything to keep her in a good mood. She actually seemed sober tonight. I had pancakes also since I just couldn't handle any thing else on the menu - it all seemed so greasy. What is it about stress that makes me crave carbs? After dinner we drove to the gas station next to the restaurant so Courtney could buy more cigarettes and look at souvenier key chains. I bought her two packs of Camels and a keychain for her and one for Jessica and two bottles of water. We both just wanted to get back to our room and go to bed and watch t.v. and Courtney asked to use my phone to call a "couple of friends before I go to bed." I was sure one friend was Dopey.
Saturday morning we slept in. Carol called and she was due to arrive about 1:30 so we would have a late lunch. I had been vaguely aware during the night that Courtney had gotten up and gone outside to smoke so I let her sleep in as long as she wanted. I wanted her rested and sober before I left her at the halfway house. Courtney was looking forward to seeing Carol so it wasn't hard for her to get out of bed at a reasonable hour. I had gone to the free breakfast and brought back muffins and coffee so Courtney could eat in the room.
After a few wrong turns trying to find our hotel, Carol finally arrived. She looked EXACTLY like she did the last time we saw her. Courtney was very happy to see Carol and that kept her in a good mood. After putting Carol's luggage (which was a pillow case) in our room we first tried to get in to Olive Garden for lunch, but were put off by a 30 minute wait. Next to the Olive Garden was a Red Lobster so we walked over there and were immediately seated. After ordering, Courtney went outside to smoke a couple of cigarettes, which gave Carol and me an opportunity to talk and I filled her in on more details of what had transpired the last few weeks.
We decided it was early enough that after lunch we would drive down to Sedona for the afternoon. Carol knew the scenic route which was about 25 miles on a two lane, winding road and it was beautiful. Outside of Flagstaff we drove by a wooded campground that Carol had stayed at before. Another few miles and the beautiful red rock began to appear. We had never seen anything like this when we had traveled in Colorado and Courtney was impressed. I handed her my camera and she started taking pictures. We entered Sedona and were immediately in the tourist shopping district. I quickly found a parking place and we were ready to shop - after Courtney smoked again, of course.
I immediately decided I loved Sedona. We seemed to be surrounded in the distance by red rock mountains. I was taking a picture or two every ten minutes. Carol said the sunsets were stunning but since it was cloudy today we might not see a typical sunset. Just our luck. We took our time going through the shops. Most of them were expensive but there were a number of shops with surprisingly reasonable prices. I bought necklaces for Courtney and Jessica and a pair of earrings and sunglasses for me. The temperature in Sedona was perfect which made walking to the shops enjoyable. We settled on Mexican food for dinner and walked over to the Oaxaco restaurant. We ordered Margaritas and I don't remember what we ate for dinner.
Sunday morning Carol had to return home to take care of her dog and cat. I really hated to see her go because it seemed that Courtney was sober the entire time we were with Carol. That afternoon Courtney and I took off for a mall because Courtney was obsessed with getting another piercing in her ear. She had wanted a barbell in her ear but fortunately the only place where she could get a piercing did not do barbells. So she settled on getting a regular third hole. There was a Ruby Tuesdays at the mall so we stopped there for lunch where we had our favorite spinich dip and salad bar.
After leaving the mall we headed for old downtown and walked around going into several stores. At a hiking shop she found some very comfortable sandles and a purse she could wear across her shoulder - she had wanted one for when she rode the bus. We went back to hang out at the hotel for a while before heading to Target where I spent over $300 for odds and ends Courtney would need at the halfway house. We wound up at IHOP for dinner and Courtney finally got her blueberry pancakes. All in all we had a good day, although in the evening when she went out to smoke she would borrow my phone and call Dopey.
Monday morning we checked out by 11 a.m., gassed up the van and started back to Mesa. This time Courtney was awake to enjoy the scenery; she was mezmerized by the cactus. I shouldn't have been surprised since it was the first time she had ever seen one. We stopped only once at a McDonalds so I could get coffee and a yogurt parfait and Courtney got fries and diet coke. The traffic was light so we made good time getting to the hotel. After checking in at the Hampton Inn I immediately started doing laundry and we hung out at the hotel watching t.v. for the afternoon.
For dinner I took Courtney to her favorite restaurant Charleston's. The hotel had given us a coupon for a free appetizer so we choose the spinach artichoke dip. My entire family is in love with spinach dip. Courtney seemed more sober than not and during the evening we had a more in dept discussion as to why she needed to come to Arizona for so long. While discussing her last day at work with her father, I was astounded to learn that she did not remember trying to drive to the courthouse. She claimed she did not remember and was surprised to hear that she never made it to the courthouse, but made a tour of northeast Tulsa. I think she was really taken aback at some of the things I told her that she did. I believe that she was beginning to understand the severity of her problems however much she wanted to deny them.
When we were finished with dinner we headed over to Old Navy which was in the same shopping center and I bought Courtney a pair of jeans, pajama pants and several shirts. We were tired and just wanted to go back to the hotel after stopping for cigarettes. Courtney wanted to take a shower and watch t.v. and I had more laundry to do. I could see that she was getting nervous about checking in the halfway house tomorrow and I was getting nervous too.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
BREAKTHROUGH
After three days of no contact Courtney walked over to our house from her apartment. It was a hot and humid afternoon and when I saw her she was drenched in sweat and looked about 15 pounds thinner. She said "why wouldn't you respond to my text messages?" I just need to get a few things and I wanted to see Roxie just one more time and say goodbye." She was sober. I had her come in and got her a glass of water and told her the text service had been terminated. She drank some water and laid down on the floor with the dog. Courtney was hungry so I popped a frozen sandwich in the microwave. After she had eaten I gave her a pack of cigarettes I had found in her room and went out to the backyard with her while she smoked.
She was so miserable I thought this might be a good time to get through to her. Had she "hit bottom?" I had no clue, but I thought she was close enough. So I told her that it was too hard on us to see her back on drugs and back with Drew and could not continue a relationship with her under those circumstances. I told her that whatever problems were causing her to turn to drugs were not going to go away without some help. Courtney looked like she would burst into tears at any moment. I explained that she needed to go someplace where she could concentrate only on herself. Then I told her about the treatment I had found in Arizona with the extended care program that would last for four months and then the halfway house program that lasted seven months. "You mean I would be gone for eleven months!!" she exclaimed "I would never see Roxie again because she will be dead by then!!" Trying to calm her down I said "maybe we could fly you home for Christmas if you decided to go." She sat there with tears streaming down her face and asked a few more questions but I knew then that she would go.
For a moment it had seemed too easy to get her to agree, but then she said "it will probably take me a month or two to get ready to go." It took some negotiating and me agreeing to take care of moving everything out of her apartment for her before we agreed on several weeks. Of course she was wanting to stall for more time to be with Drew or to maybe get a job and find a way out of it. But I knew that when it came down to it she would go.
In the weeks that followed I took her to the bank so she could close out her account and I gave them a check to cover her overdrafts and fees. I went with her to her apartment office to give her thirty day notice. I bought her cigarettes and food but I did not give her cash and we left her cell phone on. I made a couple of calls to the halfway house in Arizona and wrote up all the information for her and copied information off the internet for her. She thought the place in Arizona looked good and almost two weeks after our converstation on the back porch Courtney made the required call to the halfway house. She talked to the manager for twenty minutes and set her date of arrival for September 29 or 30. That was three very long weeks away.
Spending more time with my older daughter was one of the few things I could look forward too. Her constant good humor, faith, and quirky personality were uplifting to me. Before I left for Arizona I had to drive her to a doctor's appointment to have a lumbar steriod injection and then to see her psychiatrist for a prescription refill. (Yes, both my children need a psychiatrist and that fact has led to many nights soul searching and wondering 1) what did we do wrong, 2) what could we have done differently, and 3) is it genetic?) Regardless of the circumstance, Jessica was always a joy to be around. Between doctor appointments we did a little shopping and I was able to get my mind off of Courtney for a while.
Jessica's appointment with her psychiatrist was at 6:00 - the last appointment of the day. She was out in 15 minutes since it was only for a medication check and she came out with her doctor who came over to say hello. Jessica had been telling him about Courtney and we started discussing about sending her to the halfway house. I told him the program she was going to lasted seven months and we planned to keep her there longer. I also told him how she would be required to attend a 12 step meeting every day and she HATED the 12 steps. There was too much emphasis on God in the 12 steps and Courtney professed to be an atheist. She claimed religion was shoved down her throat all her years at private catholic schools and the 12 steps were stupid and would not help her.
"That's called Terminal Uniqueness," he said. "The first time a person goes to a meeting they will look at the people who has been going to AA (or NA) for a long time and gone through all the steps, the newcomer will think they have nothing in common with those holy rollers. Or, a person will see other newcomers who they think are in a lot worse shape than they are and think they have nothing in common with them, they are not near as bad as they are. It takes a good six months of constant attendance to really turn around their thinking to see that they do have a lot in common with everyone there. So if Courtney is going to be there for seven months, that should do it and I support your decision to send her." Three free minutes with a psychiatrist and I felt better already!
When Courtney tried to postpone her trip another month I was not surprised. The movers were due at her apartment in a couple of hours and I could tell she was not sober when she called. I humored her and told her regardless of when she went that we still had to get her furniture moved today. Then we began negotiations of what would or would not be taken. She wanted me to leave her bed and asked if we could go to a thrift shop and look for a chair. "Sure" I said, "we can do that." "George and Kathy are planning to meet me at your apartment to help load up my car with some things. They would like to see you." Her response was positive so I breathed a sigh of relief.
When the movers arrived Courtney went to the game room to hang out with Dopey. Fortunately I never had to see him; he had enough sense to hide. After she left the decision was made to leave her nothing. I would have had a very difficult time without George and Kathy. The stress I was going through made it difficult to make rapid decisions. The movers were proceeding slowly and we were in a hurry so we wound up helping them load up the truck. We wanted to get out of there before Courtney came back and we almost made it. As always Courtney's timing was impecable. She walked up as the movers were bringing down her bed. As surprised and upset as she was, I was relieved that she did not throw a fit. George was good at diffusing her anger with just his presence. He and Kathy stayed for a few minutes longer chatting with her and surprisingly Courtney seemed to be in a good mood, despite now having to live in an empty apartment.
The few days until we left were long and stressful. During that time Dopey convinced Courtney to use her bank card to withdraw some money that she did not have. Even though her account had been closed for nearly two weeks, she was able to withdraw several hundred dollars. When I got her insufficient funds notice in the mail I called her. Apparently she tried to disconnect my call but instead I could hear her and Dopey talking, even though it sounded like her phone was in her pocket. From what I could hear they were in a store looking for an engagement ring. Courtney told Dopey she like the fake diamonds just as well. I couldn't make out what Dopey said next but then I heard Courtney say "I didn't know I would have to pay for it." I was not at all surprised to hear that. The bastard had coerced Courtney to steal money for a ring and/or drugs.
She was so miserable I thought this might be a good time to get through to her. Had she "hit bottom?" I had no clue, but I thought she was close enough. So I told her that it was too hard on us to see her back on drugs and back with Drew and could not continue a relationship with her under those circumstances. I told her that whatever problems were causing her to turn to drugs were not going to go away without some help. Courtney looked like she would burst into tears at any moment. I explained that she needed to go someplace where she could concentrate only on herself. Then I told her about the treatment I had found in Arizona with the extended care program that would last for four months and then the halfway house program that lasted seven months. "You mean I would be gone for eleven months!!" she exclaimed "I would never see Roxie again because she will be dead by then!!" Trying to calm her down I said "maybe we could fly you home for Christmas if you decided to go." She sat there with tears streaming down her face and asked a few more questions but I knew then that she would go.
For a moment it had seemed too easy to get her to agree, but then she said "it will probably take me a month or two to get ready to go." It took some negotiating and me agreeing to take care of moving everything out of her apartment for her before we agreed on several weeks. Of course she was wanting to stall for more time to be with Drew or to maybe get a job and find a way out of it. But I knew that when it came down to it she would go.
In the weeks that followed I took her to the bank so she could close out her account and I gave them a check to cover her overdrafts and fees. I went with her to her apartment office to give her thirty day notice. I bought her cigarettes and food but I did not give her cash and we left her cell phone on. I made a couple of calls to the halfway house in Arizona and wrote up all the information for her and copied information off the internet for her. She thought the place in Arizona looked good and almost two weeks after our converstation on the back porch Courtney made the required call to the halfway house. She talked to the manager for twenty minutes and set her date of arrival for September 29 or 30. That was three very long weeks away.
Spending more time with my older daughter was one of the few things I could look forward too. Her constant good humor, faith, and quirky personality were uplifting to me. Before I left for Arizona I had to drive her to a doctor's appointment to have a lumbar steriod injection and then to see her psychiatrist for a prescription refill. (Yes, both my children need a psychiatrist and that fact has led to many nights soul searching and wondering 1) what did we do wrong, 2) what could we have done differently, and 3) is it genetic?) Regardless of the circumstance, Jessica was always a joy to be around. Between doctor appointments we did a little shopping and I was able to get my mind off of Courtney for a while.
Jessica's appointment with her psychiatrist was at 6:00 - the last appointment of the day. She was out in 15 minutes since it was only for a medication check and she came out with her doctor who came over to say hello. Jessica had been telling him about Courtney and we started discussing about sending her to the halfway house. I told him the program she was going to lasted seven months and we planned to keep her there longer. I also told him how she would be required to attend a 12 step meeting every day and she HATED the 12 steps. There was too much emphasis on God in the 12 steps and Courtney professed to be an atheist. She claimed religion was shoved down her throat all her years at private catholic schools and the 12 steps were stupid and would not help her.
"That's called Terminal Uniqueness," he said. "The first time a person goes to a meeting they will look at the people who has been going to AA (or NA) for a long time and gone through all the steps, the newcomer will think they have nothing in common with those holy rollers. Or, a person will see other newcomers who they think are in a lot worse shape than they are and think they have nothing in common with them, they are not near as bad as they are. It takes a good six months of constant attendance to really turn around their thinking to see that they do have a lot in common with everyone there. So if Courtney is going to be there for seven months, that should do it and I support your decision to send her." Three free minutes with a psychiatrist and I felt better already!
When Courtney tried to postpone her trip another month I was not surprised. The movers were due at her apartment in a couple of hours and I could tell she was not sober when she called. I humored her and told her regardless of when she went that we still had to get her furniture moved today. Then we began negotiations of what would or would not be taken. She wanted me to leave her bed and asked if we could go to a thrift shop and look for a chair. "Sure" I said, "we can do that." "George and Kathy are planning to meet me at your apartment to help load up my car with some things. They would like to see you." Her response was positive so I breathed a sigh of relief.
When the movers arrived Courtney went to the game room to hang out with Dopey. Fortunately I never had to see him; he had enough sense to hide. After she left the decision was made to leave her nothing. I would have had a very difficult time without George and Kathy. The stress I was going through made it difficult to make rapid decisions. The movers were proceeding slowly and we were in a hurry so we wound up helping them load up the truck. We wanted to get out of there before Courtney came back and we almost made it. As always Courtney's timing was impecable. She walked up as the movers were bringing down her bed. As surprised and upset as she was, I was relieved that she did not throw a fit. George was good at diffusing her anger with just his presence. He and Kathy stayed for a few minutes longer chatting with her and surprisingly Courtney seemed to be in a good mood, despite now having to live in an empty apartment.
The few days until we left were long and stressful. During that time Dopey convinced Courtney to use her bank card to withdraw some money that she did not have. Even though her account had been closed for nearly two weeks, she was able to withdraw several hundred dollars. When I got her insufficient funds notice in the mail I called her. Apparently she tried to disconnect my call but instead I could hear her and Dopey talking, even though it sounded like her phone was in her pocket. From what I could hear they were in a store looking for an engagement ring. Courtney told Dopey she like the fake diamonds just as well. I couldn't make out what Dopey said next but then I heard Courtney say "I didn't know I would have to pay for it." I was not at all surprised to hear that. The bastard had coerced Courtney to steal money for a ring and/or drugs.
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